show episodes
 
Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
 
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show series
 
In this dragon-fighting episode of Square Roots, we finish Disc 1 of Squaresoft's Chrono Cross. Also: Jim describes a movie that cannot possibly exist, we try to guess who is in a werewolf movie, we see a dripping wet Time Twink, and Vanessa reminds you not to put too many worms before your cart, because they'll get squished. This Week: We finish D…
 
On this reality-warping episode of Square Roots, things get... complicated in Square's Chrono Cross. First of all: we're deep in Disc 3 crazy and it's just disc 1. Also: cookin' up enemies, how this game is just like Sleepaway Camp, and trying to determine what the Chrono Trigger of Chrono Trigger is. This Week: We reach the second dragon! Next Wee…
 
Finally, we catch up with Masamune, everyone's favorite zany fellas, except now they're a sword and it's depressing. Also discussed: Nikki is a quarter fish, Scandinavian UwU, the ramifications of Vegas, and how Lynx has broken every human law. This Week: We fight Garai on the Isle of the Damned! Next Week: We reach the second dragon! Our Patreon: …
 
We're back in the original timeline in Chrono Cross, but that doesn't stop things from getting real trippy and weird. We meet a frog dragon, there's a terrifying fairy genocide, recruit an oWo, and plunge into Fort Dragonia. Also: Jim debates Matthew on rip-off versus homage, we fill out our JRPG bingo cards, and we maybe even start enjoying this g…
 
In this episode, we get all exploded by time. Especially Jim. So much Jim. Have you ever heard Jim mad? You will today. Because Jim found out what happened to the Epoch. This Week: We either get to the beach in the Original timeline, or recruit Glenn in the alternate timeline. Next Week: We clear out Fort Dragonia! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/s…
 
We start everyone's favorite sequel to Chrono Trigger: Chrono Cross! Finally we catch up with our favourite pals, Chrono, Lucca, Frog, Robo, and see what they're doing, right? Right? After a while? We assume this is some kind of Final Fantasy XII start with temporary characters before switching to your favorites. Also: Johnny ruminates on a Bolero …
 
VANESSA DOESN'T KNOW WHO CAPTAIN TOAD THE TREASURE TRACKER IS AND THAT IS INSANE. Also this week, as we finish Nintendo's Mario + Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story on 3DS, we talk about Luigi's glistening mustache, peeling down your Karibo, inflation, and finally Matthew locks Sam Elliott outside. This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We get to Term…
 
Kuzzle. *teehee* In this chunker of Bowser's Inside Story, Vanessa makes a shocking discovery: no one was exaggerating Luigi's treatment by the saucy Wisdurm. Also this chunker: Bowser learns to Body Slam, Mario finds a Star Cure, and finally, finally we see what's inside Bowser's Brain. This Week: We enter Bowser's BRAIN! Next Week: We finish the …
 
Either Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman shows up as well in this star-studded episode of Square Roots! We continue with Nintendo's Bowser's Inside Story and stumble over Jesse's Girl 2, fail a whole bunch of minigames, find a kink Johnny doesn't want to talk about, Bowserimi Battles the Tower Robot, and we realize that this used to be a family podcast. …
 
There's no way that things could get weird in this chunker of Bowser's Inside Story where Bowser eats his vegetables, right? Sam Elliott would disagree, and he is here to guide Vanessa through a world of forbidden pleasure. So much is learned. Johnny might stomp on a model city. Matthew comes out as a finsub. ALSO THERE IS NO BODY SWAPPING IN FATHE…
 
This week we start Nintendo's DS / 3DS Mario Brothers RPG! Just a heads up, we may mention vore a few times. And inflation. And squirting. Splashing. Squishing. So many S-Words. This Week: We defeat Broque Monsieur's wonderful Broggie. Next Week: We get trapped in Toad Town! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! T…
 
Hi friends! There was an accident at the podcast factory, but instead of only mouth-cutting corn puffs, this podcast is entirely* listener produced! Special thanks to: Gabe Kleinart Julian Titus and the Nerds Without Pants podcast G Bailey Zombie Rogers Dr. Fine Say Everyone's Name Andrew Weyant Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Th…
 
There's so much here. There's Lady Spawn. We find like five layers of Marie's secrets. We ask a gas station attendant if they gave us super powers. We get very confused about both the game's mythology and Japanese mythology. There's an endless epilogue. We consider playing Okami to try and figure things out. Jim's arm really hurts. This Week: We fi…
 
[REDACTED] is a really great person, we wish him well. In this episode of Square Roots, we get pretty close to the end of Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 Golden. Some highlights: figuring out the right sequence of dialogue choices to get through the game, how it's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, and Matthew turns out to be right about somethin…
 
CW: transphobia Ooof, we hit a pretty rough part of a game we were otherwise loving. On this chunk of Persona 4 we go to the Amagi Inn, do a concert, have a cultural festival and then there's some real bad pageants. Also: secrets are discovered, villains revealed, and mysteries solved! This Week: We finish the sixth castle in Persona 4! Next Week: …
 
Remember, here at Square Roots judging is a spankable offense. On this episode we check out a derailed trans narrative, there's a whole beach episode, we learn about yelling at fireworks, TJ Miller, Johnny has an eggdaster, and of course Teddie: Problematic Queer Icon. This Week: We finish the fifth castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the six…
 
On this exciting episde of Square Roots: we conquer the Void Quest dungeon in Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 Golden. Topics discussed include: finally meeting the H-est of the T-s, Teddy's human form, trying to articulate Rise's level of fame, and defeating what could literally be called an Angry Gamer Baby. This Week: We finish the fourth castle in…
 
Will Yosuke's Operation Up Close and Personal come to fruition? Is Hanako the secret best character in the game? Will Jim be able to show up after seeing this virtual strip club? Or will Big Chungus win this battle? We know one thing, at least: everyone is hungry in this enormous episode of Square Roots. This Week: We finish the third castle in Per…
 
WHYYYYYYYYYYY? On this week's Square Roots: We delve further into Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 and get through Kanji Tatsumi's Rosy Steam Paradise. Also: we have several suggestions for a new US anthem, discover that Kanji is an odd person with some sort of complex, and fight a boss that can only be described as Skullorama-esque. This Week: We fin…
 
Are you the Persona inside him? Who is the H-est of the T's? In this episode we explore Jim's Pee-Shyness, Johnny's Silent Hill bathroom dreams, argue best Persona 4 intro song, start our Nanako Wellness Checking, and talk about Deep Space Nine for what feels like an hour. This Week: We finish the first castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the…
 
We wrap up Final Fantasy X-2 and have thoughts. Many thoughts. First: Johnny forgets New Kids on the Block. Also: holes. So many holes. Even a math hole! Also: the Vegnagun. Will Tidus enjoy dating New Yuna? Which boy and girl band is which Final Fantasy X-2 character? Why did Johnny and Vanessa get weirdly different endings with Wakka, Lulu, Dona …
 
Johnny and Vanessa are the only two left powering through Final Fantasy X-2, but Matthew is here for his colour commentary and still can't get past Yojimbo! In this episode: Vanessa has a lot of feelings, Johnny is here for the Ann Rice-iness of the plot twists, and we get to learn more about the secrets of Baralai, Nooj and Gippal! This Week: We f…
 
I know that this podcast is usually a bit tangent-filled, but seriously, we have a hard time sticking to the plot of this mini-game and side-story packed episode. In this episode: Vanessa calls Johnny "P*nis-Having Johnny With A P*nis", Elijah Wood ASMR, Johnny's number one sexy single slow jam "Making People Is Free", the most erotic song from Ann…
 
In this sprawling episode of Square Roots, we have many revelations: She-Ra wasn't made to make Matt attractive, and he's angry about it! Also Seymour did everything because he thought it would be Good and Better, Yuna and friends have to make a fight, we play Pokémon Hot & Cold, and we establish Vampire Parent BEMDAS (or BEDMAS). This Week: We fin…
 
There's a whole lot of side content, but we're real focused on the sacred Ronso site, Mount Gagazet. which Yuna and friends definitely would not defile. Also this week: we pick a side, Yuna puts on a less great concert, get interviewed on Shelinda TV, Vanessa becomes the only host, and so much more. This Week: We do the side content of Chapter 2! N…
 
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