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If the d-bags from Weekend at Bernie's got involved in a mob murder caper... oh wait that's still Weekend at Bernie's. Ok, well imagine if they go on a butt hunt for 15 minutes too. Terminal Exposure is classified by some as a sex-romp comedy but I frankly don't see it. Maybe I'm desensitized to boobs at this point but the nudity is fairly mild wit…
 
A believe it or not commercial success, but working more like a confused mess that doesn't know who they want watching it, Burt Reynolds teams up with a precocious scamp to take down a drug ring - because early 90's. Talk about 90's stereotypes and whatever rules to life. Of course, the kid doesn't have parents - it's 1993! Of course the cops cave …
 
audio alert - Sam was on his webcam for the first 7 minutes so there is a weird audio shift when he switches to a good mic. Nothing painful to your earholes, just figured we owe you an explaination. Proceed! Knocking off Beverly Hills Cop while showcasing Gary Daniels as a cheaper JCVD but forgetting that he can't act past his gob being open, White…
 
A film that rips off Justin's novel 35 years before he wrote it. Its a prison film (obs) that gets fast and loose with the rules of early release - time off for punchin' dudes. Prepare for a short film review. I don't like it. It should be fun. It looks like it would be. The scenario lends itself to be fun. Its just not somehow. They get it right i…
 
Nobody crosses the bridge between Uptown and Jungleground! Except the dope pushers, of course. Oh, and the cops. Well we gotta give 'em a little action every now and then, right? Oh and the Feds, hookers, delivery companies, truckers and constructions workers. Seems like everyone does actually. What you've got here is fairly standard fair for a mid…
 
Two truckers (an old hat and a young buck) and a waitress manage to defeat an army of the most unstoppable killing machines, which even the Predator wouldn't stand a chance against, using the rules of the space highway. Honk, honk, pew, pew! What you've got here is a decent stinker but gets bogged down by how awesome it SHOULD be. It's called Space…
 
*Warning - Jackie's mic was backwards so her audio isn't perfect. Sorry for any inconvenience.* Want to save the environment but are only a Brazilian princess? Well, show off your pretend dance craze skills on American Bandstand! So long, climate crisis! The merengue is coming for you. So what you've got here is a basket of terrible sequences from …
 
Well I guess if you ever wanted to watch a movie where the cast and crew literally get eaten alive by the stars of the movie, well this is that movie. Its horrifying and terrible and likely contributed to the end of the world. I say that without exaggeration. What Roar is goes beyond anything that Tommy Wiseau, Neil Breen, and M. Knight Shamalyan h…
 
He's a real tough guy, but almost everyone he deals with is just a bit tougher, but not tough enough to out tough his toughness. That was until he meets his weekly nemesis, Cat-Man! So Zach Kane is a character. He's a total loser. He's a washed up boxer that now is a borderline vigilante who can barely make ends meet. While that seems like a fairly…
 
Yor does not come from the future. He comes from over there. Sorry for the spoiler. He is still awesome. The ladies love him, the men fear him and Yor believes himself to be the most rad dude of all time and he might be right. Yor is one of those wacky Italian movies that believes to be a good idea with a good story but is just a mess of silly busi…
 
How do you follow up Wes Craven's directing? You call Jim Wynorski? And he totally shows Wes how its done? Wow. Fan-Fave Jim showcases how you have fun with a failed superhero property. Replace Zach Snyder right now, DC! The polarization between the two versions of Swamp Thing is night and day. It's known within the first 15 seconds as shown by the…
 
Nothing says the follow-up to Superman like a budget movie, right? It's that weird mix of camp, bad costumes, a busty lady, and villians of dubious intent. Oh, and it's also a fairy-tale love story. WTF is Swamp Thing? It's surprisingly bad. Nothing can prepare you for how crummy this film is. You've got all the pieces that should make for an OK mo…
 
Get ready to meet the most righteous dudes of movie villians and the most disappearing of protagonists. John Rad gives us one of the biggest and most glorious of trainwrecks in film. Black Pepper is coming your way, buster! What you've got here is one of those "hey we found this movie, does anyone wanna finish it?" Filmed in the mid-80s this wasn't…
 
Olivia D'Abo shows up as not Red Sonja in one of the most loathed films from both Schwaz and the beloved Swords and Sorcery genre. I blame Dino....again. Is it worth $4 to watch this movie? You’ll have to make it to the end of the podcast for that full evaluation. Is it worth watching if you already have access to it? Yes. This was one of my most h…
 
Albert Finney and Susan Day go on a misguided adventure into the dark dealings of a company that... wants to make more effective commercials and light guns? Is Digital Matrix the worst company ever? There I am, watching this movie, wondering what Sam was thinking by choosing this movie for an episode. Honestly, the first 1/2 of this is pretty solid…
 
That bad guy from Stargrove hatches a diabolical plan to steal all the dubious chips using bug-bots while Tom Selleck's mustache chases tail AND Gene Simmons. Maybe program your robots to only attack your enemies, Gene. What is Runaway? It falls into this weird pit where you can't really say its a stinker as there is a number of really well done th…
 
Another massive video game adaptation comes to us in the form of a fighting game with massive jiggle physics. Somehow they managed to supplement the jiggle with one of the dumbest villain idiot plot we've ever come across. So let's get the obvious question out of the way - is DOA the movie as jiggly as the game - no. The sexuality in the movie is w…
 
Two "brothers" get chased around so that Robert Patrick's hair can capture the second half of the Double Dragon while teaming up with The Hyper-Color Gang. Patrick should have just drank more vodka. What works best in this movie is everything that didn't work for me in 1994. Everything sucks. The look of the film is vomit. The acting is gut-wrenchi…
 
Ok, you know what happens in this film. You've seen it at least twice and then have it crammed down your throat anytime you watch anything about 80's pop culture. But ask yourself this: what is Top Gun actually about? Look, this movie is thing because of two reasons: Kenny Loggins and Tony Scott shot the hell out of it. If you remove those two thin…
 
Teenagers form up to take down an evil empire in their flying ships. Oh and rescue daddy. And get sage advice from an older veteran. Oh and act like a bunch of idiots along the way. So I had no idea how bad Iron Eagle actually is. I had a level of expectation that it was mostly dumb and corny but WOW Iron Eagle is over-the-top stupid. I mean its ha…
 
Nicole Eggert goes part Robocop, part Wolverine, part Deadpool and all terrible in this cheese-fest from the 90s dark action bandwagon, while also managing to cram in Richard Grieco's true acting ability and still managing to be somewhat boring. This is another movie that has all the things that are required to make a bad movie awesome yet isn't be…
 
The autobiographical story of how a teenage girl breaks her dad's "no banging guys who knock up other ladies and then get them terrible abortion doctors" rule over the summer at a sex-trafficking church camp for rich hypocrites. Yes, I know this is your mom's favorite movie. There's strike number one. What Dirty Dancing is (besides a cultural pheno…
 
The autobiographical story of how a teenage girl breaks her dad's "no banging guys who knock up other ladies and then get them terrible abortion doctors" rule over the summer at a sex-trafficking church camp for rich hypocrites. Yes, I know this is your mom's favorite movie. There's strike number one. What Dirty Dancing is (besides a cultural pheno…
 
Its Schwazenator vs Y2k fears! The epic battle begins! Meanwhile, Gabriel Byrne gets a handful. So what we've got here is that Satan wants to ensure that the Anti-Christ's mom is gonna be good to go when she's old enough for a rogering. The PROBLEM is that it takes about 15 views to understand that. The film is mostly just nonsense action sequences…
 
If 1980's Hollywood was obsessed with water shortages, the 90s was obsessed with evil cable TV. Here a husband and wife get sucked into a hellscape of television also known as CBS Primetime. So what we've got here is that John Ritter's Roy is obsessed with watching TV and ignores his responsibilities, his kids and his wife. Pam Dobber as Helen seek…
 
Perhaps it was your favorite movie when you were 9. Maybe you should watch it again as an adult - it might still be your favorite movie. Some movies that have production failures on the level of The Ice Pirates go into the barrel of cinematic toxic waste. The list is so long that we have only started to scratch the surface of such turds. Yet The Ic…
 
Its a straight-up western, but because its from 1987 it has to be set in a post-apocalyptic world and instead of cowboy hats, we get hair-spray helmets. Despite everything there might be a good movie buried in the sands. So its Shane, Once upon in the West, Star Wars and Fallout 4. Ok, maybe Fallout 4 is Steel Dawn. Clearly, Fallout 76 is Steel Daw…
 
Its one of those iconic 80's swords and sandals/science fiction blend movies and beloved by many. We can understand why, but this was a massive failure that likely cost the genre decades of great movies until the LOTR Trilogy. So Krull is one of the most expensive movies of the 80s and fails on so many levels. You've got the classic inaction in act…
 
It ain't Blade. It's 90s Anne Rice with unattractive people and inept opponents. And it all could have been avoided by drinking tea together. At least everyone is evenly matched. Don's Jack Cutter is way ill equipped and ill prepared to be taking down even lower level vampires. Guns don't work, bud. A sword seriously would have been cheaper and mor…
 
Charlie Bronson goes to Colorado to deal with that same ol' blood feud when two Mormon bros. branch out into some pretty wild dogma all while Charlie walks around and does some really bad reporting. Bronson's Smith is arguably the worst reporter I've ever seen (Chris Cilliza at least says something even if its moronic) and I don't understand how an…
 
A town of MAGA boys get a parade each time they win a baseball game and the ladies have had enough of their bull. Sadly, their anger lasts about 24 hours. This is why we can't get anything done in this country. According to Lloyd Kaufman, this is a women's liberation movie. I think he might have decided that way after the fact and the ties to women…
 
Totally awesome video game! Jeff tries to save the community center that doubles as a video arcade with the help from his friends against the dubiously motivated Joe Don Baker who wants to shut it all down. Will Billy Jack win the ski competition to save the school from the rival break-dancers? Joysticks is arguably Greydon Clark's magnum opus. Its…
 
Its twists! Its turns! Its lefts and rights! Its yields to oncoming traffics. Its Acme Fake Tunnels slapped onto the side of a cliffs! Ben Afllecks and Charlizes try to give us a shocker and instead we get the upper decker. Reindeer Games is such a pile of mess. On one side you've got "that friend" that watches this on TNT one night (usually while …
 
Nothing says Xmas like a handful of spinning tornados. And nothing makes less of a Christmas movie than just sprinkling in some Christmas decorations in post. I mean at least have the tornado suck up a tree farm or something! Well, it's not good. That's it, I'll take my leave of you. Oh, I actually have to write up a review? Damn. While it has the …
 
David DeCouteau gives us a clinic on how to make a terrible movie in 2 days. Yeah it stinks, but hey! Two days! Suck it, Spielberg! Gary Daniels, Cynthia Rothrock, Kathy Long and Daniel Bernhardt give us the least action packed movie of all time. Yes you read that right. There is a total count of 0 spin kicks. 0 double axe handles. 0 flying leap ki…
 
The Hoff and Joan Collins find love and trouble in a plot to steal all her stuff. Can Curt Taylor find a way to save her career, her belongings, his own life and stop Kojak from further living in up in Club Feb? You tell us - cause we couldn't be bothered to pay attention. The Cartier Affair is an absolutely solid movie - if you are stacking it aga…
 
Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone return with a few cast surprises and a completely different tone of movie than the first one. Give this one two tries at least. You might love it more if you see it again. Yes, we know. This isn't near as silly and bonkers as the first one. Yes we know that they recycled pieces from the first one, namely the mus…
 
Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone team up in arguably the best/worst knockoff in film history and arguably Cannon Pictures most fun and most accessible project. Hashtag shenanigans to come. Campy, cheesy, corny, and whatever C words you can come up (no not that one) fit here. While clearly being an attempt to ride on the financial coattails of I…
 
Despite it's own best attempts to keep it down, like its terrible VHS cover and misguided title, this western with vampires is an absolute must-do and instant classic. Can we finally have peace with the bloodsuckers? So the premise here is that vampires have been sent into hiding and chose a small town in the west called Purgatory to sit out the ye…
 
It's a road trip movie with a cast of psychopaths through zombie infested forests, cannibalistic tribal villages, eclectic owners of mansions, and kittens who live in grandma's tummy. Rough to view in places and absolutely hilarious in others. Viewer beware - this is advanced class stuff. This movie comes with two major warnings: if you're burned o…
 
It's Evil Dead part III (only in Italy) and has absolutely nothing to do with it. It also has nothing to do with Hoff being Hoff nor Linda Blair being Linda Blair. Nor does it have to do with a plot that makes any sense. Nor does it have to do with being enjoyable. Witchery (or La Casa 4 in Italy - thus the sequel to Evil Dead) is the baffling tale…
 
Most will see this as a Monkey's Paw retell but it's really and truly just a recut of Teen Witch but without all the singing and dancing and then they made it so much crappier...crappier than Teen Witch. Yup. Some movies are prime for knocking off, right? See the endless list of Jaws and Conan movies from late 70s and 80s. See any Roger Corman movi…
 
A NATO team of the least qualified sea-men (giggle) take the Beatle's submarine down to the depths of the sea and find some icky monsters, hungry starfish and love. Of course they do. So some might call the Rift a Leviathan and Deep Star Six knockoff, but we see this as much more of an Aliens knockoff, which becomes its fatal flaw. The plot is just…
 
Two cops find love in each other's egos, while attempting to clear their names from a villainous plot to take over the world's salted caramel industry. Stallone and Russell team up for one of the raddest buddy cop dumb-dumb rollercoaster. It's shenanigans. This episode originally aired in January of 2017.…
 
An old villain from Mitch's past comes back to enact revenge by.... having him get married to his one true love? With a cast of Baywatchers this size, and a plot as dumb as it is, this has got to be one wild ride, right? Well.... Sato (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) comes back from season 2 of the Baywatch TV series, to get revenge against Mitch and Hobie f…
 
This week we dive into the Le Petit Huey/Starlight candy debate, a welcome to Patreon supporter Clauzy and his watch recommendations, Sam gives Jackie "the hook" and then takes on soap (again?), reviews of Phantasm II & III, Journey 2, Return to Oz, the final Tales of the Baywatch, and El Chupacabra. Check out Teen Samurai's YouTube channel for som…
 
Nic Cage goes on a deep quest to prevent his own hiring decision from ruining his plans to get super-rich. Along the way he confuses us with poorly written treasure clues, crazy eyebrows, word-association and flaunting Jerry Bruckheimer's watch. National Treasure is arguably the most "blockbuster" movie ever made. It's filled with EVERY trick in th…
 
A team of undeclared researchers go on a dig in the middle of the desert only to discover a secret tunnel that leads to America's greatest secret. But if they'd only gone through the IKEA, they could have saved a bunch of time.Truly bad film's greatest secret itself. Templar Nation is the true underappreciated and under served bad movie in the bad …
 
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