100th Episode! LIVE SHOW! — Hamish Blake, Yumi Stynes, Alice Fraser, Gabbi Bolt, Chris Taylor, Lewis Hobba, Dan Ilic
Manage episode 284686686 series 2557604
Last night at Giant Dwarf we had an absolute cracker of a live show to celebrate our 100th episode of A Rational Fear.
Chris Taylor opened all of The Queen's excel files.
Alice Fraser tip toed through the mindset of billionaire Elon Musk.
Yumi Stynes graciously examined what Eddie McGuire's departure from Collingwood really means.
Hamish Blake tries to monetise the Australian Open in ways we've never quite thought about.
Lewis Hobba defends Crown Casino in Sydney.
Gabbi Bolt proves she's not related to Andrew Bolt.
Dan Ilic (me) tries to explain why we should have seen Craig Kelly coming.
And Tom Lowndes from Hot Dub Time Machine holds the whole thing together.
I hope you enjoy it — it was one of the best live shows we've ever done!
(Shout out to new Patreon member Shaun who signed up on the night!)
LINK TO PHOTOSHOP TEMPLATE FOR LIBERAL MEME: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ld2208nr7uzz2tu/LIBERAL_MEME_dotEXE.psd?dl=0
Transcript by OTTER.AI:
Unknown Speaker 0:00
This podcast is supported in part by the Bertha Foundation.
Dan Ilic 0:04
Hey Lewis, welcome to rational fear. Oh my goodness, you're so lovely 100 episodes. Very good. You know what I like about this? This is great doing a live show in the middle of a pandemic. It's fantastic. It's great marketing. I'm
Unknown Speaker 0:20
hoping not the middle.
Dan Ilic 0:24
three quarter time.
Unknown Speaker 0:25
Dan Ilic 0:28
I just feel like when people get COVID from here that everyone was how did you get it all went to this podcast. It's got to be bottom three ways to get we have Patreon supporters. I just want to thank our latest Patreon supporter Ben Waller is chipping in for 10 bucks a month. big thank you to Ben. It is great. I understand. We have a couple of Patreon people here. Who from Patreon is here. Yes, thank you. Very good. enjoy that. 20% off. Excellent.
Unknown Speaker 0:56
I do two for one ticket. You
Unknown Speaker 0:58
two for one tickets. 50%.
Dan Ilic 1:02
We do 20% Yeah. Anyone out there starts getting any fucking ideas. We are recording irrational fear on the land of the gadigal in the urination. sovereignty was never seated. Wait a treaty. Let's stop the show.
Unknown Speaker 1:23
irrational fear contains no two words just like bricks. Bricks can rob Finn and section. A rational fear recommends listening like
Dan Ilic 1:35
my immature audiences. Tonight Eddie McGuire denies his racist adding he made the trainings ran on time. The World Health Organisation says Coronavirus is unlikely to have leaked from a lab and a devastating blow to conspiracy theorists to listen to facts. And Pauline Hanson calls for the swastika to be banned. It'll dilute her brand. It is the 11th of February 2021. And welcome to the Super Bowl of Australian satirical comedy podcast. This is
excellent. Welcome to rational Fie. I'm your host, former president of the Collingwood football club Dan Ilic. If you're new around here, this is the podcast that takes the saddest stories the weeks and makes jokes about them. Because let's face it, if you didn't laugh, you'd cry. Let's meet our fear mongers for tonight. He's the actor award winning creator of our pride and the actor award losing head writer of at home alone together from the chaser. It's Chris Taylor.
Unknown Speaker 2:44
Thank you very much.
Chris Taylor 2:46
Great to be here, so you win some you lose some very disappointed not to be nominated for the Golden Globes. But Nautilus Holy moly, so
Dan Ilic 2:54
I feel good. And in 15 years old, she was expelled from boarding school, which is the only qualification you need to join this show. She's one of Australia's most loved smart asses. It's yummy Stein.
Yumi Stynes 3:06
Thank you for having me. You know, I've been reflecting on getting expelled from boarding school. For the last 20 years. I was like, fuck those guys. That was really unfair. And then just recently I've gone. Yeah, it was a beautiful.
Dan Ilic 3:18
Welcome. It's good to have you. And 11 years ago, we crashed the VIP section of a Comedy Central Party in New York City to meet john oliver. Then our next guests managed to get a job replacing john oliver on his very own podcast. She always gets what she wants to tell us.
Alice Fraser 3:35
So happy to be a dad.
Dan Ilic 3:37
Did you crash tonight? Or did you get a ticket?
Alice Fraser 3:39
I wasn't invited. I put that in your script.
Dan Ilic 3:42
And our next guest tried to move from Melbourne to Sydney while the state borders were closed, which turns out to be just as challenging as moving from one part of Sydney to another part of Sydney. It is heimish bike.
Hamish Blake 3:55
Fresh out of the tunnel fresh out of the tunnel.
Unknown Speaker 3:59
Lovely to meet you.
Dan Ilic 4:00
And he's co hosted over 100 episodes of a satirical comedy podcast, and he's yet to see a cent. It's Louis harbour. Did you say I've co hosted over 100 episodes so I did I made a mistake. Yeah, like well, you guys only too late. Sorry, the 100th episode was weeks ago. That's like you make your mistake, but this was gonna be recorded on a Thursday.
Unknown Speaker 4:28
Yes, I didn't realise this was on tonight. I told all of my friends to come tomorrow. That's why
Dan Ilic 4:38
we recorded this on a Thursday every Thursday for 18 months. I'm sorry. It's what we're what we had an on deck for the first time in ages. It's DJ Tom. A little later on, you'll meet our musical guests Gabby Boldt. She's really big on Tick Tock. But first here is Message from this week's sponsor
Unknown Speaker 5:02
in recognition of leadership change at Collingwood football club. McDonald's is celebrating some of the menu items in producing the McGuire burger spineless chicken fillers in a better protected in a milky white been worth Extra Mile Jeremiah this much source it's guaranteed to leak no matter how you handle it with grill marks painted on relax. It's a little joke. The mediocrity McGuire is basically a good burger but never meant to give anyone that shifts. The next time you visit a McDonald's
Unknown Speaker 5:42
ask for the McGuire
Unknown Speaker 5:45
tastes like Yarra water
Unknown Speaker 5:46
never cancel, just not on the board anymore. For online ordering, just go to burgers and highlight the tag that says mee mee mee mee mee
Unknown Speaker 5:54
I recommend it to everyone.
Dan Ilic 5:58
Well, folks, it is Yes, thank you. Robbie McGregor there, folks, it is 2021 which means we could have an election this year, or we could simply not do and say we did which seems to be the coalition's policy strategy at the moment. Australia's elections kind of like booty calls, they spring up on your the last minute ruin your weekend plans. But if you're lucky, you'll get a sausage. And there is anticipating brewing for booty call 2021 you can see the signs already there already knife shortages in Canberra. It's also very strange, very strange. 2021 labour is so scared that the coalition will bully them on climate change. They're desperate to try and do less on climate change. And the Liberal Party is so scared that the nation and the world will punish them for doing fuck all on climate change that they're desperate to do just the bare minimum on climate change. It's kind of like a pissing contest, but the contestants won't piss. They won't even unzip their pants but insist on building new coal powered toilets. But who said bipartisanship was dead? Here we go. I think there's one thing both parties have their sights on and there is the member of Hughes. His name is Craig Kelly. Now if you think
Hamish Blake 7:14
I mean if you listen to the podcast, huge cheer went up in here but we don't we don't have the audience mics so you can't really hear it.
Unknown Speaker 7:25
Dan Ilic 7:28
Now if you think he has the look of a flustered director of a furniture company that's gone bankrupt, you're right. He's literally the flustered director of a furniture company that's going bankrupt. Now everyone is annoying to cry because he's kind of like the drunk uncle at the Parliament House Christmas party. He wanders around the backyard, telling you unverified bullshit to anyone who listened stuff like the US Capitol insurrection was a hoax,
Alice Fraser 7:56
Neo fascists and Marxists engaged in a highly coordinated false flag operation.
Dan Ilic 8:00
And environmentalists started the black summer bushfires.
Yumi Stynes 8:05
I wonder if any of those arrested extinction rebellion types trying to fulfil their prophecy
Unknown Speaker 8:10
and renewable energy will will drown kids by making
Hamish Blake 8:15
swimming lessons more expensive, some parents are going to be unable to afford them. The result being less children having basic swimming and water safety skills, placing them at greater risk of drowning. That is actually spot he's got a boy.
Dan Ilic 8:33
Yeah, you can tell him she's done more than 100 podcasts.
Unknown Speaker 8:37
One baby tomorrow night you're gonna be
Dan Ilic 8:42
back in 2016. He even attended a commemoration of Croatia's Nazi allied fascist government the MDH and then proceeded to say this occasion
Chris Taylor 8:53
on behalf of the Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott, who is now in Japan, I impart you to greetings and good wishes on the occasion of the celebration of April tin to you and all Croatians in Australia and those in Croatia.
Dan Ilic 9:08
Not necessarily the best thing. The Australian Ambassador then got pulled into the Croatian parliament to explain what the fuck was going on. I assume the ambassador just put a picture up of the Prime Minister eating an onion and said sorry, we don't know. It's very strange. Now it is. It is a there's a very few things that a politician will get cancelled for in Australia. But being fascist isn't one of them. It turns out spreading lies about COVID on social media is the last straw now over the last year. Craig's Facebook and going he's when I've gone on Sky media. He's just been spreading information misinformation about COVID. All over the place. He's been saying that mandated mass for children is his child abuse. He's been alluding to the anti Vax conspiracy theories about Bill Gates, he's been promoting disproven and unproven COVID-19 treatments like the anti malarial drug hydroxy chloroquine and in the victim, which is actually a horse de wormer. It won the prize for removing parasites something that scomo might like to win a little later on if we removed some parasites from his own party. Kelly even went on celebrity chef and problematic kendal's podcast paid Evans's podcast for an hour and a half. I just spoke bullshit about conspiracy theories. Now I listened to it, so you didn't have to any he said a whole bunch of stuff. That wasn't news. But I think Pete broke some news.
Unknown Speaker 10:30
Very wise words and very truthful words, Craig.
Pete Evans 10:34
It looks like I'm going to throw my hat into the ring and join the political movement and see speak. See what see what happens from that. I had no expectations when you sit in a big room or Western at the back of the room where you can see everything.
Unknown Speaker 10:50
I'll give you a tip.
Dan Ilic 10:52
I don't think that's why you sit in the back of the room.
Hamish Blake 10:56
You're on at the back like my daughter is when she's driving the car.
Dan Ilic 11:03
Folks, do you have any tips for Pete Evans as he heads into the world of politics cities
Hamish Blake 11:07
I feel like he's nailed his slogan there. expectations that will
Dan Ilic 11:16
be a good time to down to just Evans know.
Chris Taylor 11:21
The Evans party for people who think Pauline Hanson is far too sensible.
Alice Fraser 11:25
I reckon seven minutes in Evans.
Chris Taylor 11:29
They should only put a candidate in barn by surely like
Hamish Blake 11:34
surely I'd like to see someone come out there because you know, political slogans or like they often just like you know, hey, we can do it or you know, whatever, you know, like jump on board or for a progressive turn. I'd like to see him get defensive because he knows everyone's against him like a slogan that says something like you're the fucking crackpot.
Just in your fucking weird. dead on the front foot. Spray paint if you're listening, and I know you do.
Dan Ilic 12:01
None of this would be a problem if Craig Kelly was just your uncle, but he's not. He's an MP with a huge social media presence that is actually bigger and more powerful than the Prime Minister's own social media presence. It's worse than letting your uncle loose on Tinder. Craig's already swiped far right? It's terrible. After the PM, was asked about this at the National Press Club last week, he was there to see if he's going to do something about Craig, this is how scomo replied,
Unknown Speaker 12:26
You don't get to create Craig Kelly.
Unknown Speaker 12:29
He's not my doctor, and he's not yours.
Unknown Speaker 12:34
He's pretty happy with that one is
Dan Ilic 12:38
Spoken like a man you
Unknown Speaker 12:40
are in the room to laugh.
Dan Ilic 12:43
But after a brief confrontation with Labour MP Tanya plibersek, in the halls of Parliament House, there was a big announcement in Canberra. Of course, Canberra fucking loves announcements that the Prime Minister pulled Craig Kelly into his office and gave him a dressing down now. Sorry, if I've given you a visual of Craig Kelly dressing down there. I'm really sorry about that. FEMA has any idea about what that conversation with scomo and Craig Kelly, and the office was all about or what they said to each other? You gotta say sorry. Oh, come on.
Yumi Stynes 13:19
Up. It's time to time get out there and fucking say sorry.
Hamish Blake 13:24
Just a bit of like, double check. You don't actually my doctor are making all these gags in the press guy and they're going well, but you're not actually.
Alice Fraser 13:34
Actually the thing about homoeopathy is the list. I'm your doctor, the more I'm your doctor.
Unknown Speaker 13:42
Dan Ilic 13:42
got him off Facebook for a very short amount of time. It lasted 36 hours.
Hamish Blake 13:50
That was a that was a scomo enforced ban. It wasn't a Facebook enforcement.
Dan Ilic 13:54
No it was like steady six hours I wonder if he was just like look Okay y'all Facebook I'll introduce you to tick tock and then it was just cry just like punching buttons for 36 hours
Hamish Blake 14:07
it does scream a bit of like that's it no screen time for a week. Daniel
Unknown Speaker 14:12
Unknown Speaker 14:17
All right, well, all of that
Hamish Blake 14:20
you really think about it after that.
Chris Taylor 14:24
I was just glad he did you know he also was banned from only fans.
Hamish Blake 14:28
No, he wasn't. VPN and you guys addressing New Zealand
Dan Ilic 14:37
now actually happened to have a recording of of what went happened, what happened in that office, but I can't actually play it for legal reasons. So I've had to do a dramatisation for the day das, who does a lot of the voices on this show plays Scott Morrison but because there are so many Hollywood shows and movies happening in Australia right now. There are no actors I could get in Australia, they're all booked. So I have to go to Hollywood to find the best commercial How to Play cried Kelly.
Unknown Speaker 15:06
cried cry, just come in and sit down and play on your iPad for 20 minutes then I'll put out a release that you can repost on Facebook. Okay? Ah, great start date. Great One hydroxychloroquine now, sorry, Mike. Thanks to the billion forex in the fridge. Please use my desk. It's four metres squared from everyone else in the office. You're amazing. pfriem shibo you're a believer. Yes, Mike. That's right. Mainstream are where the votes are. But voters like the Sharpies. I like the Sharpies. Godspeed. I wish right you're that deep state might might there is no deep state. When times was in charge. It was Peter. You're friends with the deep state you make TV with the deep state trying to silence me. I have freedom of speech. Craig now I'm not silencing you. But Shut up. Now you're free to say whatever you want to after the election when you act like a goose I look like a good this year. I'm having a no goose policy. I'm gonna stop the geese Have a look at this. What is this a turbo that's right Good boy. And what does it say? I stopped the guy you can read well that's good. Now I'll get you one of these with your face on it. Great wines trophy face get good now only if you quiet and stop posting rubbish Now give me one good reason not to drop you from Hugh's Facebook friend hi char tape from n guy Dean make dogs Vladimir Oh gee below mice is no type you did it. I have deniability for Facebook stream.
Unknown Speaker 17:11
Battery dead I'm sure pad.
Unknown Speaker 17:15
your iPad is dead. Well charge it and you can pick it up tomorrow from PETA. Yes. Really good judges in there. Only if you're a good boy, Craig. galley. Good boy. Good boy.
Unknown Speaker 17:30
Unknown Speaker 17:31
back tomorrow. fudge rose. That's a bloody good idea might now Fuck off.
Dan Ilic 17:40
That's Gilbert godfried everyone.
Chris Taylor 17:46
A high profile impression a very good impression
Dan Ilic 17:52
that he's the thing we shouldn't actually be surprised about Craig Kelly at all because we have known this was gonna happen from the very start of Craig Kelly's career. If the bankrupt furniture store wasn't a red flag, perhaps this line in Craig Kelly's maiden speech should have been over the years I've packed my head into many rugby Scrum. Although no doubt some would say maybe one Scrum to me.
Right now, with more about how we keep our politicians more accountable. It's Gabby bolts Aaron getmyboat
Gabbi Bolt 18:35
I've actually never done a comedy said before. That's true. Sir. Please pity me.
What the Australian Government needs is a Karen a crop chop nitpicking Nightmare on the parliament floor. Because as someone who used to work in retail, I've seen them leave a nasty email about how I am supposed to do my job. But when you need a Karen most that's when they vanish. Like on Craig Kelly's COVID Facebook posts that nowhere to be found. But if Karen was feeling ill and doc said try this radical, untested pill. Well, I'd bet 10 bucks she'd take his licence down. You hear tales of Karen's far and wide, getting barista sacked because they put too much which cream on my triple mocha frappe. You see Karen's demanding manages in your average grocery store. So where are they when they need to see the biggest manager of normalised caring culture in politics They've gone on for too long getting people fired for weightless go to redirect their attention to when national intervention I can give you Craig Kelly's email address normalised Karen culture in Parliament's when people act irresponsibly on the job. Call them out with the same fervour as a teenage fast food worker who had the audacity to get your order wrong.
Unknown Speaker 20:55
Unknown Speaker 20:58
Chris Taylor 20:59
thanks for having me down. This is a genuine treat to be part of the hundreds I think me and Alice within part of the very first ones. And it's amazing that it's had this run like cereal didn't eat get close to 100 a teacher's pet not trying hard enough. So no, it's great to be here. I'm gonna talk about the Royals. Now without wanting to conform to social stereotypes, I was reading the Guardian this week.
And there was this bombshell report about how the Queen lobby to have the Lord changed to keep the details of her personal wealth hidden. So basically, the UK Parliament was trying to pass transparency laws so the public would know exactly how much the monarchy spent of public money, but the Queen's lawyers, I think she was raped by Rudy Giuliani. They, they managed to overturn the law so we don't know how much he spends and what on That is, until tonight, ladies and gentlemen here the john Doerr theatre, I have the official list of the royal families expenses, which I'm more than happy to share with you tonight. Now just for background, the Queen gets an annual salary it's about $97 million a year fair $97 million taxpayer money. She's also on job keeping. Prince Charles's annoyance. With one woman he doesn't want to keep her job. So he then in no particular order other palaces expenses for the last financial year. 40,000 pounds on Uber Eats usually uneaten because Nando's in London still don't do very, very pheasant. It's downhill from that was
Unknown Speaker 23:00
over 100 episodes that must be like your 70th pheasant, Joe
Chris Taylor 23:05
Welcome to 71 80,000 pounds on getaway cars at the annual Royal Variety Performance. Anything to avoid small talk with Susan Boyle afterwards 50,000 pounds racial awareness training for Prince Philip. Unfortunately, his tutor was Eddie McGuire. Progress was slow $1 million retainer for elton john to keep him pumping out new versions of candle in the wind.
The principle of one decades ago 200,000 pounds on developing a new dating app especially for Royals. It's like Tinder but only let you match with cousins. 4 million pounds. legal fees for Prince Andrew two pounds media training for Prince Sandra 600,000 pounds lobbying the Commonwealth of Australia to get Holy Moly off the air. 2 million pounds on an ambitious pay a lot this one ambitious paid project of the claim to crossbreed horses with corgis to create her ultimate spirit animal. The hoagie her intention was to create kind of cute fun sized horses the size of a Corgi, but what she ended up with instead was grotesque corgis, the size of a Clydesdale. All of them were discreetly put down except one which was kicked around Megan Markel out of the country. 15 million pounds on the upkeep of antiquated buildings and relics from bygone eras such as Hampton Court, Sandra Nichols And Mark record 6000 pounds paid to the actress who plays Diana on the Netflix series The Crown for her weekly recreations of the Ballymena scenes, performed for the whole family's enjoyment every Sunday after church. That's just for my wife. We love this.
Unknown Speaker 25:23
Chris Taylor 25:25
50,000 pounds sexism awareness training for Prince Philip. Unfortunately his tutor was at McGuire. Progress was slow. 6 million pounds on bribing gamebirds to fall to the ground pretending they've been shot during all the prince Philip's shooting and they keep planes in even when they've served for dinner later on their amazing commitment to the row.
Dan Ilic 25:49
What sort of game birds Chris maybe like a pheasant grouse?
Chris Taylor 25:56
All right. 100,000 pounds on TV development. This one's quite weird. See after the success of its a royal knockout, Prince Edward spent all of last year developing royal Ninja Warrior. There's also a royal maffs, which is basically this Charles and Camilla dry humping on a beach for an hour. JOHN Howard called it the romantic fieldwood hit 50,000 pounds on training for Prince Philip in how to exit a long reign with dignity. Unfortunately, his tutor was Eddie McGuire. And finally 17 million pounds paid to lawyers to make sure the public never gets wind of the secret that the woman who lives in that massive palace might actually have a bit of coin. I mean, sure the face is literally on all the money But please, let's not ever jump to conclusions that our hands are on as well.
Dan Ilic 26:56
What would you like to know about how the Queen actually spends her money? It's weird because it's weird that she tries to hide it because it's not like we don't know she's rich.
Unknown Speaker 27:10
It's such an expensive hobby.
Dan Ilic 27:13
I'd say most everyone who goes to London The first thing I do is go to her house.
Hamish Blake 27:19
In the middle of town Yeah. And look at the jewels. The crown. What's the
Dan Ilic 27:29
LSU LSU you spend a lot of time in London you've lived there you live with the queen?
Hamish Blake 27:35
What's the craziest thing you saw blood cash on?
Unknown Speaker 27:40
Keeping Prince Philip alive?
Dan Ilic 27:43
27 do you think you know Australia should be paying royalties to the Queen based on us using her picture on the money we have?
Alice Fraser 27:50
Look, I think we all have an agreement in Australia which is that we're going to become a republic eventually when she dies. Like we're just going to be polite until she dies and then we're not going to have Charles on our money
Chris Taylor 28:00
or do you think she's really shitty that everyone taps now and we don't use money? Is she lobbying the credit card companies to get a face on that as well? Actually
Hamish Blake 28:07
the visa dove is way more fancy. Is it the MasterCard? What's the hologram beauty products? The hologram on the visa okay all right. But you know like sometimes you're gonna net banking and it will go like you spent this much this month on like health care or like you know, utilities I would like like the real specific breakdown for the quaint like the just the bits of the real weird stuff. I don't think we know like a break us a lot to keep the house and the horses and stuff like that's obviously expensive. But you want weird stuff like you want to know if she bought VR? Or like, just got just dumb stuff. I don't know. But all the purchases past 10 o'clock. 10 o'clock like do I am
Chris Taylor 28:54
Jean session on eBay.
Alice Fraser 28:58
Uber Eats order.
Hamish Blake 28:59
I would like to know the breakdown on that.
Alice Fraser 29:00
Yeah, I want to see the map of the person driving round and round trying to figure out how to get in.
Dan Ilic 29:04
Yeah, she just she
Chris Taylor 29:06
walked out to the gate to pick it up personally. is a servant have to bring
Hamish Blake 29:11
it up. Nice. I think it's still leave and go. No, no, we won't be vaccinated. leave and go.
Dan Ilic 29:17
Do you think they have to pay for Netflix to get the crown?
Hamish Blake 29:22
I mean, there's gotta be some role.
Dan Ilic 29:25
And is that where royalties comes from? Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Yumi Stynes 29:43
All right. You all know what happened, but I'm gonna run you through the facts. Anyway. Yesterday media personality Eddie McGuire stood down as Collingwood football club president after 23 years on the job. He was sad. He was fucking sad. his resignation speech which went for 15 minutes and was mostly a lengthy self congratulating listicle of what he has achieved contain no real apology, although an apology was actually what was needed. So this resignation from yesterday morning was the lightest in a cascading series of events. The event that led to yesterday's resignation was an open letter calling for his resignation. Prior to that event, the event was the leak of a commission report on the culture of racism at the Collingwood football club researched and written by indigenous academic Professor Larissa Behrendt. Now, the event that led to the commissioning of that report was complaints of racism by former Collingwood star player Heredia Lumumba. So we're four links up the chain before we get to the hero of the story, surprise, surprise, it's not Eddie McGuire. So Geraldo Lumumba started playing for Collingwood, 2004 as an 18 year old. His background is mixed race, Congolese and Brazilian and he speaks fluent Portuguese, he's black, he's handsome, and he's a shithead football player. But even though he was charismatic, fair and really popular with fans, and as I mentioned, a shithead football player. His career at Collingwood stalled when he started calling out the racism that he saw is endemic to the culture of his own club. And it was then that he started to be frozen out of leadership positions ostracised by the people in charge, and had unfounded whispers of madness and mental illness from his own club amplified by a complicit media. Lumumba left Collingwood in 2014 after 199 games. Now coming here tonight, I didn't really want to talk about how to Lumumba and Eddie McGuire because talking about racism for anyone who's experienced it is actually never comfortable. I also do want to talk about it because I don't follow football. So if you ask me some stats, I'm not gonna be on a budget. And I didn't want to talk about it. Because every time I'm actually confronted in the real world by racism, I actually get like a physical, almost spidey sense, tingling in my lower back that it's sort of like a queasy, unpleasant feeling. And sometimes the feeling comes before the mental processes can catch up. I attended a talk a few years ago by American philosopher and activist Dr. Cornel West, who came to Australia. He's a Harvard professor and a black man. And what he said like he said a bunch of cool stuff. But one thing he said I've never forgotten. It was something along the lines of I'm still overcoming my own racism. I'm still learning. I like everyone else. I'm a product of the world we live in. And he's like an old man, he's 67 years old. And that actually made me feel better. Because I'm imperfect. I'm still learning and we all are. Like, imagine, okay, imagine you're on the street in your own suburb, and a stranger comes up to you and asks if they can borrow your phone. She's a 35 year old white woman. And you're like, yeah, sure I use my phone. But what if she's a 35 year old white woman who's really skinny has dirty hair is scratching herself and wearing head to toe tracksuit, in mid summer. Would you still let it use your phone? So we're always kind of casting value judgments on people. It's not necessarily always racial. It's based on how they look all the time. We do it all the time. It's just really tough. If you're copying it because of something that you can't help so you can't help your heroin habit. But you also really can't help the colour of your skin and it's infuriating when that's how people judge you. So I thought, things that I thought were okay, five years ago, I realised now I'm not okay. And I'm guessing that in another five years, I'll look back at the year me now and cringe at how unworthy I am. I am still learning. But is Eddie.
I've always been super interested. It's like my hobby. Watching the way that people who are racist are blind to their own racism. It's almost cute. It's like a toddler wandering around. Like I'm the kind of where they are. And if it's pointed out to them, their first response is pretty much always defensiveness, they get really upset. And I get it. And I'm so interested in this reaction. And the flip side of that is the people who see racism first. Always the people who experience it the most and the worst, which is why indigenous people are often at that intersection of racism and a bunch of other prejudices that make their experiences way worse than you or I could imagine. And this is not my hobby. Like it's not talking about race. Islam is really, really thankless when people talk about that day that Nicky winmar lifted his shirt and pointed to his black skin. I know, you know, that moment. They're describing an iconic moment that was turned into an iconic photo, which has been immortalised as an iconic statue. But they're forgetting, I think that when Mark himself said to the photographer who took that iconic photo, I appreciate that you've changed my life. But for me, I'm having to embrace possibly one of the worst days of my life over and over again. So when he did that he wasn't having a great time. And every time he sees that he's taken right back to that moment of being booed, and having horrible things, shout out to him. Talking about racism, as I said, is thankless. You have to convince people first of all, that it exists. And when I say people, I mean, white people, and trying to convince white people that racism exists is sometimes like convincing people in the dark ages that they're breathing something that it's real, it's called oxygen. It's a sound like what are you talking about. And then you're expected to prove your own credentials by explaining your own experiences of racism, which is not only painful, but it feels like if you start nominating and isolating and describing single incidents, you're in danger of leaving behind hundreds, sometimes 1000s of times that racism existed, but was so micro so unremarked upon that it was very much like the air we breathe. So if I were to try and well really to try very hard not to try and find parody between my experiences and bombas. But if I were to try and dig into, say, the first time that I was called a chink, a nip, a jab or a goog, I might leave behind the times that I was expected, as a seven year old Australian to apologise for World War Two. Or by trying to explain how being Asian has happened, my career, my or my love life or my earning capacity, I might accidentally minimise the hundreds of death threats that people have made against me over the years. And for what have they made those death threats is an interesting question. And I think that anyone who's ever had many people threaten to kill them. They have sat with the why, for quite a long time. And I think if I had to distil The reason why I inspired hatred in enough people that they would send me murderous and quite descriptive and detailed death threats, then I think that the reason I could fairly say was because I did to question the manhood and authority of a white male or authority figure as a non white person. Eddie McGuire, by the way, is the guy who said Adam Goodes should do the promotion for King Kong. And when Heredia Lumumba called him out about it, he said, This is what Lumumba said himself, people made it very clear to me that I'd done the wrong thing that I'd thrown the president of Collingwood under a bus, almost making him out to be the victim. So whether we've grown as a nation and learned from this painful saga is going to be shown in the post Collingwood Korea of Eddie McGuire. Because usually, I've seen it enough times I can predict it. When the shit goes down. The brown person gets blamed. And the white person goes on to have a great career in politics.
Dan Ilic 38:44
Have a letter that went out Monday and then he got the step down on Tuesday. That's right. Yeah. That must be feel pretty powerful for that moment.
Yumi Stynes 38:52
Did it feel good, but I don't want people to confuse his resignation for cleansing of the entire football culture that made him thrive.
Dan Ilic 39:01
Yeah. Do you think this is kind of a you know, this is a very public moment for Eddie McGuire. But do you think a lot of organised organisations all around the country are looking at this going Fuck, we need to fucking clean up as sharp.
Chris Taylor 39:14
The worry is they'll do the reverse because this sort of all came out as a result of them deciding to launch an investigation into the culture. I want I'm nervous that some companies might go well it doesn't turn out well when you do that. So maybe we're just sort of keep mom
Dan Ilic 39:28
Yeah, which is a shame because I don't I think if that the release of that report had been handled better like their release the fuck up was saying this is a proud day. This is a shameful day and we're gonna work on it. I don't think maybe we would be in that situation with like, Oh shit, we shouldn't even look at it. But they're on the on the backfoot from the get go because that report was handed to them in december two months, and it took ages for it was leaked to an investigative journalist and then they were gonna leak it they were trying to get ahead of the story. And fucking nothing ever goes well when you try to get ahead of the story.
Chris Taylor 40:00
So How bad is it? Like you mentioned the Adam Goodstein, which was just horrendous, and unpardonable. I can't believe he survived that. And the thing that brought him down was just a slip of the tongue. And he's like, made a dress
Unknown Speaker 40:11
dress. Like that's
Yumi Stynes 40:12
not what brought him down. And I disagree with you, Louis. I think like saying it's a proud that I think it was just like, he was trying to say, I'm proud that we're doing something about this. No, he's just playing with words, saying that that's what's brought him down. It's it's 23 years of races, leadership that's brought him down.
Unknown Speaker 40:28
I certainly wasn't saying that's what brought him down. I was just saying in terms of the release of the report. I think, like, I just Well, I mean,
Chris Taylor 40:36
that the media fixated on Yeah, way more attention than warranted, given the history of the background of that report.
Alice Fraser 40:44
I sort of feel sorry for these guys a little bit, because they got away with it for so long. It's like every week you robbed the bank, and then all of a sudden you get arrested and you're like, I was wrong the whole time.
Dan Ilic 40:57
I think Ben, Ben Lowe had a great tweet today about it. He said, If entitled white women who complained to the manager or Karen's, I think Australians can agree entitled white men who feel that their true victims of systemic racism, and now it is do you think this is gonna change leadership power vision of operating around
Yumi Stynes 41:19
the country? If so? I don't think so. But I think when people are racist, they don't know they're doing it. Most of the time, they're unaware. So I think No, and I think also, as usual, the brown person in the room is always the minority in this country, unfortunately. So when Lumumba was creating problems, and putting up quote, fingers there, the solution that's easier for the white guys in charge is to nominate that guy and go, let's get him out. He's a troublemaker which has happened to me. Shut your mouth, get her off the TV, she's creating problems, it's easier to just not have them on stage.
Dan Ilic 41:55
Can we talk a little bit about that for a second? That moment on Studio 10, the infamous moment where you were saying some very truthful things about how Aboriginal people have lower life expectancy and stuff like that. And Kerri Anne Kennerley went you were talking about the truth, learning, getting Australians to learn our truth about Australia Day. And what's really powerful moment there were and there must have been so confusing for you at that moment to kind of go well, I'm just saying some very, very truthful things.
Unknown Speaker 42:24
Just fax guy.
Dan Ilic 42:26
What are you yelling at me for and how do they seem to have this employed my life for a month? Yeah,
Yumi Stynes 42:30
that one was okay. I've been through other sheet storms that are way worse, at least with that one. I knew that I hadn't said anything wrong.
Dan Ilic 42:41
As I've had a 15 year career and I've made some very bad things on television that I'm very not I'm not proud of and thankfully no longer exist. Thank you for talking about this tonight.
Unknown Speaker 43:03
Alice Fraser 43:04
let's talk about money. I'm gonna do my verbal exercises first for talking about money. short sell seashells with a stacked deck on the stock floor. And the deck that she stacks is shorted for sure. Let's all stop GameStop stock stacking up in the GameStop shop. Bobby Bitcoin back to stock of pickled crypto, how many stocks of pickled crypto did Bobby Bitcoin back.
So this month marks month that we all found out a short squeeze is not just a pelvic floor exercise. People honour it if you don't know the GameStop story people on a Reddit board took exception to some big hedge fund guys short selling a bricks and mortar game shop called GameStop sparking 1000 hot takes about the little man taking back the power from the big man by corruptly manipulating the market in the way that is traditionally reserved for those too big to fail in those too big to jail. It was nice to watch hedge fund managers, managers scramble and it was an excellent example of how a system which is constantly jerking itself off with its libertarian money based meritocratic purity purity rhetoric really collapses when the people join in. I don't want to spend too much time explaining the stock market because I want to give a chance to the 1000s of young men who love explaining the stock market.
currently doing so online This is their one opportunity to tell everyone about their kink when people won't just tune out and nod politely. But it's such an old move that it was so celebrated. I think we can all agree that the perfect vengeance against the accountably at the against the unaccountably wealthy is to pour money into the systems that enrich them. As we all know Robin Hood stole from the rich to give to the poor so they could pay rent to the rich. This is called a stimulus check. So these Reddit guys, these mostly young, mostly men who like to think of themselves as V from V for Vendetta or the Joker, because they lack imagination. They became the ultimate news cycle fertiliser despite the fact that they're basically a bunch of guys with nothing better to do using their spare time and spare money to upvote cool seeming memes with cash. Speaking of which, co founder and CEO of inspiringly innovative and astoundingly overvalued electric car company Tesla. Elon Musk has recently stirred the stock markets by using the imaginary money he's made from people thinking his company will make more money than it will to buy into bitcoin, the most imaginary money. He talked about it publicly before, during and after the transaction while declaring that he couldn't talk about it because it might move the stock market, which it promptly did. This is the rhetorical technique of negotiation where you say what you're not going to do while doing it. Like I won't call my esteemed opposition, a dirty cop quote with a barely legal mistress. Saying what he's not going to do while doing it is Elon Musk's fourth favourite thing to do after his third favourite thing which is saying what he is going to do while not doing his second favourite thing, which is investing money in revolutionary moonshots like firing a car into space or putting chips in monkey brains while being defended by a certain kind of guy who loves to tell me about how wrong I am about Elon Musk. while simultaneously missing every point I'm actually making. Look, Elon Musk does some great stuff. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see a sci fi nerd do well, you can't. He can't help admiring musk for his ambition. He basically single handedly gave a cash boost to the incredibly expensive enterprise of hardware prototyping in a world where it's much cheaper and easier to stick with iterating software good on him. Also, if this goes well, there are potentially world changing implications for a lot of the technology he invests in and takes credit for so maybe my issue with him is mostly aesthetic. And I don't mean aesthetics in that his head looks like it's made of meat and then all our heads are made of meat but his looks like it's more made of meat. He's JC he's a man of binaries. He's a man who's simultaneously very inspiring entrepreneur operating at a leading edge of science so far ahead of the time that he's either a business genius or a very successful performance artist. It's It's just that he's always in the news for doing something either extremely cool and futuristic, or undeniable, lead dystopian, and probably both. The moral of this story is money. Men be money Manning changing little for real people while smugly congratulating themselves on being the revolution. One of the richest men in the world buying big into an untraceable unregulated currency that can't be taxed is not a cool rebel movie. It's the beginning of a James Bond movie villain storyline. It is the wild fantasy of nerds who wish they were brave enough to be assholes. Elon Musk is a baby's idea of a grown up in the same way disrupting the market by throwing your collective collective Reddit weight behind a troll ship post investment is the equivalent of critiquing social media in an eight great paragraph Facebook posts in the end it's all about ethics in video game stock market journalism Thank you
Dan Ilic 48:30
podcasts on the way here and they said Elon Musk and move 20% of the of the cryptocurrency market just by tweeting something that's incredible
Hamish Blake 48:39
if I can
Alice Fraser 48:43
thing is that like Bitcoin as a as a concept is like this idea of this, you know, blockchain whatever, blah, blah, blah. More than 50% of the Bitcoin mining capacity is controlled by China, the most worrying government
Unknown Speaker 48:57
honestly, the last few weeks, I've been so happy to not have any money it's the first time in my life I've been like thank Fuck, I'm poor. And I don't have to care about any of this.
Hamish Blake 49:09
I mean, I know this is this is not new news for anyone but like the whole point of Bitcoin is it's like decentralised and there is no 100 Bitcoin you can call it a complaint. There's no head office, which is a bummer because on our podcast on any podcast, five years ago, I bought two bitcoins for $900 each way and they were like a funny thing to own. And just like I've made this investment, they made this investment and then our web guy Jessica's really, really understand how to do it, he lost them, he lost the passwords. And you can't call up or write them a letter to go. I know everyone saying this, but I really had some Bitcoins. And we have two out there which are worth 120, grand, Old Joe, and we tried to hypnotise jazz to get because he's like, hop on and then only maybe books anyway and we made him sit in the studio with a hypnotist. As the best we got was him in a trance like state going capital B i t capital C. Hashtag one two, maybe exclamation mark. And so yeah, we've awesome except I'm kind of glad they stayed last because it is funny that we've lost 100 because we tried to sell them The only reason we found out last is we tried to sell them when they're at 15 $100 going well, they never get any higher. We wanted to buy a convertible drive through a carwash and we wouldn't have been the guy
Dan Ilic 50:31
that cashed out
Hamish Blake 50:33
three grand on its way to 120 grand because we wanted to drive an old Ford Capri through
Dan Ilic 50:40
a car wash. There's a guy there's a story of in the UK of a guy who's trying to get a hydraulic Yeah, get up find a laptop in a in a tip. Yeah. And he's got 120 million pounds of
Hamish Blake 50:54
Bitcoin everyone's just like Ivan's hoarding them not holding them. Like, locked up. It's like this big, like virtual Fort Knox that's out there when no one can get in and everyone's like, no one's selling.
Alice Fraser 51:09
Well think about it being untraceable though is it leads to criminal behaviour like that man who has Oh, sorry. Yeah.
So there was there are these Wi Fi enabled penis cages that you can do? Yeah, sorry. Yeah, sorry. So so you know, some people like to have strangers or friends tell them that they can't jerk off? Sure. I've been asked me if he if I do that for him. And I said, Please don't sexualize me not wanting to fuck you. But apparently this man has hacked in and locked people's penis cages and asked for Bitcoin ransom in order to unlock their penis cages.
Unknown Speaker 51:48
On a plus note, remember a golf Ed said out of bankruptcy.
Hamish Blake 51:53
My wife is always like, what are you doing this? I always have a paper clip just need to pick the line.
Alice Fraser 52:02
If you need to, if you need to incentivize remembering a password, can I suggest
Hamish Blake 52:08
to get a Wi Fi enabled one. I mean, if you're gonna start with a famous guy, just start and just go gently into it.
Dan Ilic 52:19
Before we head to a short intermission, many people have asked me one question in the lead up tonight. About Gabby, Gabby, she led to Andrew Poe and I said well, I don't know maybe maybe Gabby could answer this question.
Gabbi Bolt 52:32
My whole life has been building to this moment. My dad will be proud. He's not Andrew my dad's not Angie. Anyone like a samba? Let's get one thing straight. I'm not related to my dad always said he's a part of the Dutch bolts. I don't know how much of that is true. But even if I were I would treat it like a curse and sprint to the nearest courthouse to be disowned. It really makes you wonder what his actual family think is Christmas or disaster when he opens his mouth to speak. I guess what I am saying is easy to digest when you treat him like a drunk uncle, unless like a journalist. Because at this point, all I can really do is love because if I don't love ice cream, how did we let it get so far? How did we let it get so extreme? We have racist and rapist apologists becoming mainstream opinion columnist just another fuckin morning in the Murdoch machine. Thank you. We're gonna play a game because I was too lazy to write a second bus and dad gave me four days. So all the following things that are racist relative of mine has said it a Christmas dinner or an Andrew bolt headline. I didn't plan who would answer these questions. I felt like I just let the room feel it out. Cool. Facts no longer count in climate debate. We're gonna get along great. This game is great. Why I'm leaving Melbourne for gorge
Hamish Blake 54:24
Hey, Miss Blake. Andrew,
Gabbi Bolt 54:29
just yell bolts cuz that's also my family. So just give it a nice song. And true. All right.
Unknown Speaker 54:36
Yes. And it was also Yep, that was public.
Gabbi Bolt 54:39
Calm no pills jail diary is a revelation. Yeah, it'd be a bit rough if that one was my relative. Gabby Holy shit. You need to get your life together. You can't just keep on playing gigs with people you don't know and making no money at all. Speaking of is this paid
I would be funny if that one was Andrew but that was actually my relative
Unknown Speaker 55:14
it's so him to be black.
Gabbi Bolt 55:17
Definitely Andrew Jesus Christ by Well, anyway, this one's a bit hard. Okay, so it's really hard I've really blurred the lines between my family dinner and a public headline so just really listen out. Why do elderly Australian men get in jail?
JOHN everyone, you could all work for News Corp.
Unknown Speaker 55:48
Cuz at this point
Gabbi Bolt 55:49
all I can really do is laugh cuz if I don't laugh I scream. When publications often twisted tales the centre right the one for human rights becomes extreme. Because now that ethical media is dead. The Twitter newsfeed every day feels like a bullet to the head just another fuckin morning in the Murdoch machine. Though I know it's easy. Thank you to love it'll off as comedy. I know if I defended paedophiles publicly. I'd be slammed on my socials, I'd be out of a job. So how can he do it and still be paid at the top? Because it's not just fault. He is simply one cog in the misguidedly marvelled Machiavellian massively Marshall million dollar Murdoch machine.
Dan Ilic 56:52
Just want to say thanks to the Daily Telegraph for reviewing this show. Really glad that you're here. All right, welcome to second half irrational fear. We're about to kick it off. So, of course, you know, to pay our exorbitant bills. We need to run another sponsorship ad, so let's take it away sponsor.
Unknown Speaker 57:12
Standby for an announcement about announcements from the Commonwealth of Australia, the federal government to secure the COVID-19 vaccine football Australians is what we hope you picked up from the news this week. We haven't yet but we announced it. How good would that be? Just like the $2 billion national bushfire recovery fund that only existed in your brain the moment we announced it now that science and not to mention getting the arts industry back on their feet with a Coronavirus stimulus package that we haven't delivered. That was a really good announcement. We did it ages ago. Guy Sebastian was there. And he looks at the federal government announcing things because doing things is the state's responsibility as my son was being crushed, because I have to read these ads to stay alive regardless of my own political opinion.
Unknown Speaker 58:06
Dan Ilic 58:09
Very good. Excellent, excellent. Now I don't know if you folks saw this today, the Minister of Health, Greg hunt, was on ABC News breakfast this morning talking about the vaccine rollout. When Michael Rutland seem a pretty simple question about why the Liberal Party was using the Liberal Party logo on the announcement about the Commonwealth Government vaccine rollout. Anyway, have a look at this. Greg hunt wasn't very happy with that Christian
Hamish Blake 58:36
break up when you announce the very welcome 10 million additional doses of Pfizer on your social media channels last week. Why did you feel the need to attach a Liberal Party logo to an Australian government announcement?
Unknown Speaker 58:49
Well, in fact, we made the Australian Government announcement as the government with the Prime Minister. wrong views I've not
Unknown Speaker 58:56
Dan Ilic 58:58
why I'll finish I'll finish if you let me. Because we predicted that you seem to be the most exercised of any person in the Australian media about this. So I was elected under that banner, multiple members from across multiple parties do that. I'm a very proud member of that party with a great heritage and tradition in Australia. And that's part of the Australian democratic process. So overwhelmingly, we do these things as the Australian Government on a particular channel. There's no problem with identifying entirely appropriately within the rules, the origins and heritage of that under that banner under which we were elected
Unknown Speaker 59:39
by the Australian Australian government announcement who paid for the vaccine.
Unknown Speaker 59:45
Let us draw a clear distinction here. I know this is an issue for you. In many ways. You identify with the left you do this a lot and I respect No no,
Unknown Speaker 59:56
no I I
Unknown Speaker 59:59
find that appealing If I'm asking you exercise about what he's
Dan Ilic 1:00:03
doing he doesn't identify you with the left arm exercise you should be open about that I'm open about my origin wow now the liberals kind of do this kind of stuff all the time I don't know if you remember during the bush fires they put out a video saying that the deployed the army this was about three months into the bush fire so everything was already burnt out. So that was really good. I'm I don't know about you folks. I'm okay with this. I don't mind dead but as long as they put their logo on every single achievements that they do, I've made a few social media posts they can do to get started. Here we go. Liberal Party secures Australia's largest dose of national debt ever. Labour Party secures women's change room for liberal electorate despite not having Women's rugby team. This one's good Liberal Party steals money from poor people using robot that makes lots of arrows. This one's a little off the game but still I like it Liberal Party use the AFP to investigate Greg hunter for liking a tweet from BB w comm pumper 69. And we never heard about it again. And if you're listening to the podcast, you can go to the show notes and download a template where you can do your own.
Alice Fraser 1:01:16
That was such a weird interaction. And not just because of the fact that it was super weird, but because he was all like talking
Chris Taylor 1:01:23
about the company.
Alice Fraser 1:01:26
Because he was obviously trying to turn it into a culture war thing. But he was using this like super loaded, like my heritage, the heritage of the Liberal Party I identify with, like it was really as though they'd done something racist.
Dan Ilic 1:01:40
Yeah. It's always good to hedge your bets, I think. Yeah, it's just nice to see the liberals trying identity politics for once.
Chris Taylor 1:01:48
I mean, as someone who knows Michael Rowland, he is actually one of the least lift people. Like it was Kerry O'Brien, fair enough, like this is genuinely insidious. And it's following a pattern. It's sort of borrowing from trumpism, where when they know they've done something wrong, there's strategies to attack the media straightaway and to discredit the media, and I hope the electorate see through because it's really, really bad.
Dan Ilic 1:02:10
Lewis is someone that works at the ABC who's got a full time job you want to come in.
Hamish Blake 1:02:17
You do identify with that. That particular station, which there was a squiggly triumvirate into twining,
Alice Fraser 1:02:26
I think ABC has a proud heritage.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:33
Dan Ilic 1:02:35
I feel much more comfortable with you guys doing this. Well, folks, this is the 100th episode of irrational fear. It's pretty great. I think it's actually 100. Second, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. So hopefully, you will just be a little bit self indulgent. We started this show at rational fi in 2012. because there wasn't a place to do jokes about the news and climate change and provide a new platform for voices. This show we kind of put together on stage for the very first time at the FBI social, which was a small room, not unlike this in the King's Cross hotel. And we streamed it live on FBI radio back in 2012. It was really great. And you know, from there, we've done lots of great stuff we sold at the Opera House a few times we've had sellout tours around the country. Barack Obama's National Security Adviser came on the podcast and slam Tony Abbott. And that made news which is fantastic. And it's been a lot of fun. You know, the reason why we made this is so we can all show off and show how smart and funny we are.
Alice Fraser 1:03:39
Can I say when you brought me onto the show the first time I'd never done satirical comedy before. And last week, I was on the BBC News Quiz. So
Unknown Speaker 1:03:47
Alice Fraser 1:03:51
For a large portion of my career Thank you dad
Dan Ilic 1:03:53
extensively the show's done a lot better for everybody else's careers.
can't believe we managed to get DJ Tom loud. Tom, Tom, DJ, don't come to our first sponsor shows now Tom is like the most in demand DJ in Australia.
Hamish Blake 1:04:15
HIV jam, right.
Dan Ilic 1:04:19
This is the whole point in this show works because people come together to make it happen. And it's been such a great little platform for loads of folks. Dylan Bane, who's in the audience. There he is. He's dealing is usually the the chafer of the show. He pulled together this video with some folks who have been a part of the show over the years, so
Unknown Speaker 1:04:46
congratulations. 100 episodes
Unknown Speaker 1:04:49
100 shows you're backing kidding.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:52
Hello, Tom Ballard here, saying congratulations to irrational fear
Unknown Speaker 1:04:57
on your 100th episode. Hey,
Unknown Speaker 1:04:58
irrational fear. Congrats. On your 100th episode, what a huge achievement Dan and
Unknown Speaker 1:05:04
the rest of the irrational fear team amazing work a huge Happy 100 to the AFR, such a great milestone and gratulations on 100
Unknown Speaker 1:05:13
episodes. I'm so sorry, I
Unknown Speaker 1:05:14
couldn't be there. But I was not invited. And even if I was I wouldn't come.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:19
I'm not not a fan, a RF
Unknown Speaker 1:05:22
rational fear. What's that?
Unknown Speaker 1:05:23
What's that again?
Unknown Speaker 1:05:24
Unknown Speaker 1:05:24
is Adam hills. And
Chris Taylor 1:05:25
I'd like to sincerely congratulate damage on these wonderful podcasts.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:31
The burns and stuff the British stop
Dan Ilic 1:05:33
knockout breeze here.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:34
Unknown Speaker 1:05:35
can't be there tonight about currently on the set of new Thor movie.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:42
I'm not informed, but I was hoping to speak to Chris Hemsworth about
Unknown Speaker 1:05:46
playing me and a biopic of mine of my life because
Unknown Speaker 1:05:49
I think you'll agree with the resemblance is uncanny. Good night, Danny. Congratulations
Unknown Speaker 1:05:54
on 100 episodes of convincing telling,
Unknown Speaker 1:05:58
pushing, cajoling, massaging, insisting and otherwise asking nicely for every unemployed comedian and or semi employed comedian and or semi comedian to appear on your podcast
Unknown Speaker 1:06:10
on a paid on 100 episodes and the only admin for one almost have been shaped his podcast
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and live show has done what all satire does, which is fundamentally change political economic reality and fix
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all the problems.
Unknown Speaker 1:06:26
I remember eight years ago, climate change was a bit scary. And the internet was incubating in embryonic. All right, but fast forward to today. 100 episodes later, congratulations.
Unknown Speaker 1:06:36
Everything is much worse. That's just dumb. Sorry. That's not how I am wanting that to come out.
Unknown Speaker 1:06:42
I'm just so sad that this is going to be the last one because like, the news is pretty slow at the moment. Not really anything to discuss, but he's hoping something interesting happened soon.
Unknown Speaker 1:06:55
I don't actually accept the premise of your celebration. If I did, I totally gratulations I would say
Unknown Speaker 1:07:01
what an incredible lucky country we are to have comedian lucky working but of course, it's all
Unknown Speaker 1:07:07
gossip and innuendo. So can't say any of that. You know, in talkback radio,
Unknown Speaker 1:07:12
we love hearing stories about Ozzy battlers people from struggle street who against the odds have had a go and managed to achieve something. And when I think about battlers, I think about Danny like an irrational fear. Despite all the challenges in front of Dan, he's managed to make irrational fear a success, and they've now clocked up 100 shows in a very real sense without this show, I wouldn't be where I am today, which is in a maximum security facility with a satellite orbiting the planet right now for I cannot be on the earth any longer.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:46
One guest appearance by me made possible but for a kid partly out of tangent. With a really stupid name. Dan, you don't go down good. My dad. Good. Now if you want to have more, you got another but a warning. Since the success of at home alone together, nothing's gone up. It's gonna cost you at least 10 bucks.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:08
Anyway. You know, keep up the podcast for some reason.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:11
Yeah. Have a
Unknown Speaker 1:08:13
very happy 100 celebration.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:15
Huge. Congratulations. I'm so proud of you.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:18
Well done. Congratulations, guys.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:21
You're a special little man. Congratulations.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:25
We love you.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:38
Thanks very much.
Hamish Blake 1:08:41
Like I know a lot of you know that I'm pretty hard hitting political guy. So I hope you have enjoyed the hors d'oeuvres and he's been really kick the head off a topic here. It is a real honour. It's a real honour to be on the show. Thank you Dan. Thank you Reverend honour to share the stage honour to be here on the 100th and you know i i don't even think that I just you know left my total last minute or anything like that. I was waiting like on a production line just looking at all the news of the week coming past just looking for the one with the hair in it looking for the one that I could grab. And I got the big one yesterday. I don't know if you guys have been watching the tennis but they've gotten rid of lines people did you know people say that it's done yet yeah. Thank you just said a bit louder for the audio no one else got one of those. Yeah, it's being stolen off is a COVID thing I think so not as big as Kim. Yeah. I've actually got more so we do need to get past because it's not actually a huge service COVID thing they just using the laser now they using Hawkeye Hawkeye live. It's called and they've got so when it's a fault or out it's a record voice that's yelling fault or out. But the talk is they're not bringing the lines people back. The robots are doing such a good job. That now there is a few dozen stern faced middle aged people in broad brim hats, who are very good at seeing when things are a little bit off who don't have a job? And yeah, I know what, and they're walking around the tennis and they'd have to do. I mean, I could probably just go they can probably look at people to see if they're a metre and a half apart and go 1.49. But it's not a and it is a bit like when supermarkets replaced checkout people with the robot checkouts, it's the same thing that's going on with lions people. Yeah, a couple of minutes sad. And then they didn't do the thing that they do in the supermarkets, which is they forced women, they forced the people to banks to teach you how to use the robot that was stealing its job. And I had to go Yeah, and so as you can see, it's very easy. And I'll shift so I didn't do that. That was a biggest kick in the pants. I haven't done that. However, however, that's the human cost. So there was a sad part of the story is actually the real information that came out. This is the bit that I grabbed out of all the clippings that I had on the bed and was like yes. It's it's made the news because there's a little bit of a devil in the detail here. So the maker of Hawkeye. This is the first time I've ever done research of insomnia. And he's the director of tennis. Bam. figurado. Right. He's done it with the agent, The Sydney Morning Herald. He says he's excited because with this technology that detects out and fault and you can get it to yell out using a robot voice. He said we can make it yell anything. He's like, you know, do you guys know about mp3 files? It doesn't have to be out and he doesn't he's like that's just Dennis telling us to do that. We This is these exact words because we can even make it yell Rolex or Kia. Like we can make it yell the sponsor when it lands out or it's a fault. It's a fucking cash Bonanza. All right, so I know it's one of those weird moments where you go hang on a sec, is you know, don't you know totally there's money involved in the game. Definitely the players aren't just out there because I love tennis and channel nines just showing to us every now because they thought we would be interested to see what the best tennis players are doing. Now there's a lot of cash it's been a crazy commercialism makes us sad because we're losing one of the traditional values of the game, which is people on the age yelling out and you know, curiosity yelling at them. It was like a science teacher versus like, you know, Daniel Wheeler back at my school and you know, the brand or the science teacher, so we don't have any more. Money has crept in manuscripts in and I know that makes people sad in sport. But here's we're gonna put all my cards on the table. I spent 15 years in commercial radio and television. I am trained to see opportunities. This is what we do. This is our bread and butter. I'm a fucking ninja at this. Have you heard the triple m football call? The bowl is sponsored. The stats sheet is sponsored. They don't even call them stats they call them hard Yeah, cuz
jakka does the stats so they go how many hot jackets have they made? That's the stat I can't believe we're still saying
here's the thing. Here's the thing there is I think there is a visit there's an issue though out and fault and negative terms like if your Rolex Okay, you don't want if something bad happens, you don't wanna be associated with that. So first step that I will give the geniuses is if Kia is in charge of it, you make the you make the fault call you make it a competitor lands out. It's the Hyundai Elantra is full of faults. If it's an alcohol on your Rolex you have tag while you're out rageous Lee bad value I don't want to tag on a Rolex let down by watch the Rolex but I think that's small potatoes as we say in the commercial biz. Out fault. Who cares? let you know someone else can have those if care and they are the main sponsor. If you really want to own this. have come up with an idea. Now Louis, I know you're going to get a free laptop. Previously. It hasn't happened. Well, I have asked many times. Yeah, but you've been sloppy because you didn't use brand names. You've got that ABC Wi Fi Well,
Unknown Speaker 1:14:43
Unknown Speaker 1:14:43
Dan Ilic 1:14:44
I will get fired if I mention a brand name.
Hamish Blake 1:14:47
I thought that might be the case. My friend. I please mentioned here so much against you a car.
Unknown Speaker 1:14:55
He could I just jump in Could it be Land Rover
Hamish Blake 1:15:00
Why don't we start with the keyer? And we're gonna work our way up from there. I mean, we'd love to start listening from now. Okay. All right, he's, here's the thing, if there's one area that we can change that is boring, a little bit confusing in tennis, it's a scoring. No one knows what goes 15 1510 then how many is a guy, no one knows. No one knows. He won't miss it. No one. From now on, Louis, this is our freight, we want to hear this here. This man loses pitch to you about what you can do with the scoring. Okay? So instead of having the numbers and the games and stuff, it's all related to chaos. So love the score of zero. That's just walking that we call that walking now. You don't have a car. So you're it's the absence of cases. And you don't want to you want to you want to get past that. That was that would be a nightmare. And so the idea is you're building your care as the game goes on. So I know the old system was confusing, and this is a little confusing, but 15 Now we call wheels. Okay, he's on wheels. 30s engine 40 chassis, okay. Which is I don't know. I think it's Jesse.
Dan Ilic 1:16:25
Tennessee, Tennessee is French. So it's Jesse.
Hamish Blake 1:16:28
Jesse. That's so funny. So you're building the car. Oh, you only got the exterior of the body to go. Except so if you win the next point, you have a full Kia. However, for the 40 all because chassis chassis. In the old system that was juice in the new system, that's exterior options. Okay. So you get to players locked in exterior options. If you win the next point, you get metallic paint. Right? Then if you win that you've built your care Okay, so you've won one case for that equals a game as the set progresses. This is where it gets a little trickier. You name it sounds like game one game two. He's won three games he's won four games you don't say that anymore because there's no money in that. You now refer to each number of games corresponds to the ascending order of the key a range Okay, so if you just get good I know. If you've just won one game that's the Zippy and reliable key to that's the very capable Kia Rio then you go to the key of Serato The key is sell toss the key is potage. The sixth game is the luxurious Kia Sorento. And then if the set does go to the seventh game, that of course is the seventh carnival. And then you have won the set which is a collection of cars. So now you've now got a collection of cars. If you win the game, that's a fleet for the fleet. You don't win the game. Do you want to play the keys through the championship? Of course we just change that terminology. You've won the dealership like that's now what you win. And your opponent has to drive away no multiply.
Dan Ilic 1:18:02
Okay? It wasn't confusing. I think we all understood that.
Alice Fraser 1:18:17
You did not think I could find tennis more boring. And then you made it about cars and math.
Hamish Blake 1:18:25
Imagine you know that. One of the other big guys locked into Sorento. I mean
Dan Ilic 1:18:32
imagine a country he wouldn't even fit in the Sorento
Hamish Blake 1:18:36
that's just eat for those at home I'm doing the money symbol with
Alice Fraser 1:18:42
all this from Novak Djokovic throat punching lines person within
Hamish Blake 1:18:46
an hour or driving around. Now you're gonna love it. Can
Unknown Speaker 1:18:51
I just say I as I as a long term AVC employee that was so yeah. I felt I felt like I was learning a different language. therapy. Yeah, no, I thought I'd hide it but I loved it.
Hamish Blake 1:19:07
You'll learn to love it. Just say a few times and it just rolls off the tongue. I'll get you on to some.
Dan Ilic 1:19:26
Speaking of love, Gabby bolt has got one last song for us before we wrap up the night. Gabby.
Gabbi Bolt 1:19:32
Thank you. It's funny. Actually, I'm from Baptist. Note that got the word deserved. Which is it just means basically, I without a pandemic. I also just haven't seen people. Just my life but I have a tick tock account,
Yumi Stynes 1:19:47
Unknown Speaker 1:19:48
Yeah, look. But
Gabbi Bolt 1:19:54
I have more followers than my hometown. So thanks. But basically, I I've been in the public eye and I'm not at all used to that. And so when I post online, sometimes people like to talk to me. And so I've written a song to thank those people. It's called Love Song for an in sell. And in parentheses, I think I'd get on with your mum. Yep, it's only downhill from here. Recently, the internet has become my new abode. And every time I put up a political post, I see something that catches my eye. A retweet from the sweetest can I've got three little words that he goes and stays referring me to all of his money to someone to look up to. But john,
would you bang. ignoring the fact that's not relevant, and ignoring the fact I'm greatly I've reached in bed and ignoring the disgusting sentiment, instead of a simple abuse of my autonomy. He could have tried to set the fucking scene for me. Tell me how we'd meet Tell me how you would treat me. But since you aren't, give me the courtesy. I'll do what must be done. I reckon we would meet on the street. You can call me from your bus stop seeing you would be surprised when I in fact, say hey, I'm super flattered that you want to see my rack denied asked you to take me on a date. I'll leave it I'll do it and I'll say, Hey, could you pick me up round eight. And you'll say you can't drive. That's why you're at a bus station. So I broke up to your house, which is an overstatement because your house is your mom's and you live in her basement, or wait with your mom for a while in the hallway. She seems real sweet. It's a shame her son is an ashtray. regard a potent or it complements well with your sweat at the door. And as we leave for an evening I've been looking for. I remember you've picked the menu and the menu and the seating. I stole that line from Hamilton. Please don't sue me. When we take to our chairs amongst the popcorn he and I asked what kind of film I'm in for. not surprised at all to hear it's by Tarantino. As we watch the list of all the films you've seen, though, you do go on to say that representation is not important. And diversity has ruined all the things you enjoy. And I feel unsafe. But for narrative sake, we have to get to that base. And we dim the lights down though. Well, actually, they're off. Oh, basements, not on the same circuit board. Even in the dark, your chest hair really just shines through. And I'm giving you all
Unknown Speaker 1:23:42
and you're crying.
Unknown Speaker 1:23:51
Gabbi Bolt 1:23:53
It's been a bit of a dig. I shouldn't be a dick, even in a hypothetical. So I hold you. You say your sexual performance is one of your biggest fears. You treat women like they're objects to distract from the fact you're probably bad at sex. And while I'm empathetic, I am not an idiot. I grind my stuff and run the fuck out of the basement. But I stopped to talk to your mom. Because honestly, she seems fun. But she doesn't seem to know. There's a sickness that exists within cyberspace most diagnoseable in patients who hide their face, hey, look around. It could be one of your mates who told me I shouldn't have opinions and to know my place where it's going good. My first mistake Thank you very much.
Unknown Speaker 1:24:50
That makes me feel way better. So as a woman if
Gabbi Bolt 1:24:54
you wish to share a point of view, be aware of the shitstorm that awaits you in the Reddit. forums in the Twitter hashtags in the YouTube comments, tick tock do it. The Facebook feed in the email junk box in the Insta DMS and in the post once I was doxed and
Unknown Speaker 1:25:13
taking account happy to
Gabbi Bolt 1:25:26
but none of that matters. He already rated me as six.
Unknown Speaker 1:25:55
Dan Ilic 1:25:58
And now to talk that I did I spent 15 minutes trying to work out where do I put the so
Unknown Speaker 1:26:12
Dan Ilic 1:26:14
There's so good Gabby, Gabby.
Unknown Speaker 1:26:20
Actually I forgot the words on purpose.
Gabbi Bolt 1:26:23
Because the words on purpose,
Alice Fraser 1:26:24
never apologise to being better than Louis.
Chris Taylor 1:26:29
You'll be apologising old.
Dan Ilic 1:26:34
Everybody, Louis is actually talking to someone else last night about the show and they're like, Oh, hey, Mitch, Mike's gonna be on it. I'm like, yeah, I'm following you. And they're like
Unknown Speaker 1:26:46
you now. I'm so
Hamish Blake 1:26:53
glad I got him before. Just on behalf of the Father. Wow, it feels great.
Dan Ilic 1:27:08
I wish the show was tomorrow like I thought. Now as a Victorian who lives in Sydney, I've always kind of felt like Switzerland in the Sydney Melbourne debate. I think they're both great. You know, Melbourne has the third and the 40. Sydney has the beaches and the beauty, but it was always one trump card that Melbourne had to play. When it came to its victory over Sydney hidden in a little laneway was a secret spot called crown casino.
Now as long as Sydney didn't have a crown casino, it would always be Melvin's poor cousin. Everyone knew it. It's all anyone talked about up here.
Unknown Speaker 1:27:47
Why don't we get a crowd? Where can I
Dan Ilic 1:27:52
go if I want to gamble and eat at restaurants that already exists pretty close by? Well, you could go to star casino I'd say the crown the city can never be king. And then, like a white knight riding in on his glimmering super yacht, James James Packer, he built a new crown right here. It would Herald a new dawn of subtle sophistication. Right here in the Emerald City. I'm talking a hidden tucked away
Unknown Speaker 1:28:33
22 hectares of land and almost impossible to spot 75 for casino and all owned and run by a family business. The Packers for a moment, Sydney was the happiest place on earth. And before I even got a chance to take my call Melbourne friends to barang or over a hit night of gambling.
Unknown Speaker 1:28:59
I find out
Dan Ilic 1:29:00
the crown can open in Sydney. Apparently some intern who calls himself a former Supreme Court Justice suddenly decided after an 18 month investigation, the crown is unsuitable to run a casino
because crown Casino in Melbourne has a long history of money laundering. Melbourne isn't that typical? Not only does it have the better restaurants it's
Unknown Speaker 1:29:27
better at money laundering.
Unknown Speaker 1:29:27
If I have to if I want a money launderer, I have to drive 10 hours down the U
Dan Ilic 1:29:34
turn my drug money into chips. It's outrageous. You know, Ban someone for money laundering. Remember last year when Westpac accidentally forgot to mention 19 point 5 million transactions of money laundering but gave
Unknown Speaker 1:29:47
them a little fine.
Unknown Speaker 1:29:48
No one went to prison. It was an accident. It was 19 point 5 million accidents. We crown only made one mistake one little money laundering mistake. Oops.
Unknown Speaker 1:30:04
Dan Ilic 1:30:05
one's organised the junket for a triad gang to dump profits of crime for over a decade.
Look me in the eye and tell me I haven't done it.
telling crown they can't operate money laundering casinos. It's like telling Asha Gunzburg he can host TV. It's what they were born to do. Without crown jobs will be lost. Can you imagine the layoffs in the triad gangs?
Unknown Speaker 1:30:36
I want to be the
Unknown Speaker 1:30:37
guy at suddenlink who has to tell
Unknown Speaker 1:30:38
a hitman he can apply for a job caper. Not only will people not be able to launder money, help people gamble.
Unknown Speaker 1:30:46
Are you telling me people can just gamble on their phones?
Unknown Speaker 1:30:51
anytime on literally
Dan Ilic 1:30:52
anything. fashioned book by holidays that a travel agent. I bind my porn at a sex shop. And I like to gamble in a giant penis shaped building.
Unknown Speaker 1:31:07
I don't want to gamble on a machine that fits in my pocket. I want to gamble in a big machine filled with coins like a robot leprechaun. I'm worried about what will happen to the beautiful barangaroo if crown can open its casino. Usually when you're not allowed in a Sydney building. It's for a normal reason like it has cracks and it's about to fall down.
Dan Ilic 1:31:33
Right now in Sydney there is a 75 storey money laundering cop just sitting there. I mean, what are we gonna do with an empty building for the fucking crowd on top of it? limits the options or you rent it to crown lager is a bigger crime than money laundering.
What are we gonna do literally rented out to like
Unknown Speaker 1:32:03
a royal family. The closest
Dan Ilic 1:32:05
Australia has to royal families the Hemsworth hay barn house is nicer than barangaroo. If this nanny state won't let James Packer open his money laundering factory, I do actually have a few ideas of what we could do with the empty space. Now your average Twitter teardrop will tell you that it should be used for public housing or COVID quarantine hotels.
Unknown Speaker 1:32:26
How about this? It's got a lot of CCTV cameras. Big Brother house.
Unknown Speaker 1:32:35
If you think Crown's reputation is too bad for a TV network to film Big Brother. Keep in mind they used to film in a dream world.
Unknown Speaker 1:32:48
Just saying the standards low. Okay, it's not right to be brother. I hear your groans maybe another show Ninja Warrior right across the casino floor. The first person to jump over the jewel of the Nile swinging around a roulette wheel roll Snake Eyes crack open the vault and swim through a billion dollars of laundered money wins $50,000 the rest of the money goes to crown.
Dan Ilic 1:33:09
I don't like that idea. I
Unknown Speaker 1:33:10
got more. We all know that James Packer and Mariah Carey are well and truly over. Maybe it's not too late to rewrite the divorce. So Mariah gets barangaroo imagine
Lewis Hobba 1:33:22
Mariah Carey living alone in
a giant tower for the next 30 years. While the giant facade slowly decays one day and intrepid explorer wandering through the heat wasteland that was once Sydney machetes through the IV branches that have overtaken crowns revolving doors to find Mariah in rags. sauntering the empty hall singing All I want for Christmas is you while she minds eating a sumptuous feast off the empty plates in a deserted note.
Unknown Speaker 1:33:58
Unknown Speaker 1:33:59
is an excellent idea.
Unknown Speaker 1:34:02
But it's not as good as money laundering.
Lewis Hobba 1:34:06
Just like crowns should be allowed to launder money just like they do in Melbourne. I'm sick of Sydney being number
Unknown Speaker 1:34:12
Lewis Hobba 1:34:12
Do you know that New South Wales isn't even the state with the most amount of poker machines in the world? Guess what number we are? The two you know who number one is Nevada?
Unknown Speaker 1:34:24
First the store wins
Unknown Speaker 1:34:25
the rugby league and now this
Dan Ilic 1:34:27
crown casino simply must be allowed to operate in Sydney. I mean they even let Western Australia have a crown casino that's a state where you hit a jackpot anytime you dig a hole. Sydney doesn't pick up its game Soon. Soon. We'll have nothing I mean, we'll
Unknown Speaker 1:34:44
have one casino but what do we Hobart
Unknown Speaker 1:34:50
we've already lost the curse ship business.
Unknown Speaker 1:34:52
Don't take away our culture.
Unknown Speaker 1:34:57
We need a friendly place with a carpet. That reminds you of funky fruit funeral parlour
Unknown Speaker 1:35:02
with lighting that
Unknown Speaker 1:35:02
says What time is it? Who cares? And a car park full of family waggons with the windows down just enough for the kids
Unknown Speaker 1:35:09
to breathe. I hope personally I don't see the day when there's a real estate agent out the front of barangaroo auctioning it off, and if I do 2.2 billion is actually not a bad price for an apartment, Sydney. So thank you so much.
Unknown Speaker 1:35:37
Dan Ilic 1:35:45
discord channel, FBI radio, john Spicer, Blake Lewis
Unknown Speaker 1:36:02
and until next week,
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.