How do I apologize? Three tools to build confidence


Manage episode 302958196 series 2985727
By Chris Angel (they/them) Murphy, MSW, Chris Angel (they/them) Murphy, and MSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

How do you apologize when you make a mistake? In the previous episode, Shane Whalley (ze/hir) shared out hir allyship tip: "I think being a good ally, is the willingness to be uncomfortable. If you make a mistake, I'm a big believer that I would love for someone[... to] #AcknowledgeandApologize and then ask if there's anything needed for repair and then do better. Right. And so for me, we're always going to make mistakes. We're always going to make mistakes. But, what we do once we do them is again, for me, is where our greatest learning happens and it's where our greatest healing happens."

In this mini-episode, host Chris Angel revisits this tip and shares out 3 tools to help you genuinely apologize: 1. oops ouch I'm sorry, 2. nine essential ingredients of a true apology, and 3. a repair model. These tools combined will help to give you the confidence you need to give better apologies. There are also self-reflection questions to help deepen the learning:
1. Have I been on the receiving end of a performative apology? How did that feel for me?

2. Have I caused harm recently? Have I held myself accountable? Did I offer a genuine apology?

3. Have been told at some point that I caused harm? How did I respond or react to this information? Is there anything I could have done differently?

4. What can I do to self-soothe if someone doesn’t forgive me? How can I take care of myself? ? Can I forgive myself? How can I move forward without that person's forgiveness? A quick note here to say that forgiveness isn’t the goal nor should it be expected.

5. How can I hold myself accountable for any changes I need to make? What are support systems I have in place, such as a therapist or coach?

Resources, references, and full transcripts for each episode are available at

Host Chris Angel (they/them) has a background in LGBTQ+ education, community organizing, and social work. Mini-episodes feature any shout-outs, listener-submitted comments and questions, and a dive deeper into the allyship tip the previous guest shared. Please consider following where you listen to podcasts and become a supporter! Keep the conversation going on Instagram @GenderSexualityInfo

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. --- Send in a voice message: Support this podcast:

28 episodes