Manage episode 261725154 series 2674080
Sam Malik shares his inspiring story of coming out gay.
- 21-year-old Sam Malik opens up about a childhood overcoming the challenges of being gay in a straight man’s world
- Being an ‘over achiever’ was a mask to hide his sexuality
- Difficulty of growing up in a family with cultural differences
- Homophobia wasn’t always blatant, but was always present
- Inferiority and feeling less than
- Butting heads with family and parents ultimately led to Sam coming out to them first
- Coming out proved to be even more a challenge - now to live your truth - what the hell is that!
- A series of events led to Sam coming out publicly
- He had organized several laptops, all social media, emails, and text messages to post the announcement at once
- And then he took a three hour ride on his bike and not looking at his devices
- When he opened them up, he read things he had needed to see his whole life - that it was okay, that his best friends were with him no matter what, that he wasn’t alone
- Sam makes recommendations to those still not out or thinking about coming out
“Because at the time that that meant to me that I was less than, and when you grow up hearing the things that I heard and being told in the church that being gay is less than, inferiority is the biggest fear. It's the worst kind of scary monster you can imagine.”
“That was the culmination of me growing up in survival mode, walking on eggshells, wondering if I was gonna get bullied or policed for every little behavior and if I was gonna be less than.”
“When I came out I had been spending so much-- I put so much energy into hiding and masking who I was and doing that with achievements and with grades and leadership and a business that people say when you come out it's this huge weight off your shoulders. You start to be who you are and live your authentic truth, right? Like that's what they say. But the reality for me was, all of these walls had suddenly broken down and I was left sitting in the middle of it, feeling totally exposed, wondering who the hell am I?”
“And at that point I wasn't even emotionally confused anymore. I wasn't sad. I was fed the fuck up. I needed to stop living this lie.”
“And I had to go through and just flag apologies and get them out over and over again. And I had to remove every ounce of apologetic tone from this thing. And that took a lot of work. And I literally had an operation for this thing because I knew like this was the moment that I needed for myself and I was ready to own. And I was I was so ready for this. I had two laptops, and my phone, and on my phone I had an Instagram post loaded, that was the same thing as the Facebook post that was on my one laptop, and then my other laptop then had an email with two Gmail inboxes drafted to my grandparents because I wanted to tell them before them hearing from the general public. And then a couple text messages drafted to my best friends. And like within a matter of 30 seconds it was boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Send. Slammed those laptops closed. Put airplane mode on my phone. It's not going to be reversed. And maybe, just maybe, if there is hate, somebody who really needed to hear this is gonna get to hear it. And to me, that makes the whole thing worth it.”
“I'm proud of the person I am. I'm proud of the person I'm becoming. And I'm proud to be gay."
“I felt safe when I was alone. I felt safe when I was alone and like listening to music and and I felt safe when I was talking to like the less than a handful of either gay friends or a few more than a handful of like really amazing, incredible, supportive friends who truly thought no differently at me.”
Learn more about Sam Malik
- Sam's company, Malik Media
- Read Sam’s coming out post on Instagram
- Influencer Troye Sivan's coming out story on YouTube - mentioned by Sam as inspirational to him
- The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pains of Growing up Gay in a Straight Man’s World (Sam's book recommendation)
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