Episode 58: Marijuana Addiction and Motherhood

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By Amanda Gorman. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

I have been working toward and waiting for the right time to share this episode with you.

I am a recovering marijuana addict. I am sharing my story today for two main reasons: first is to not keep this a secret anymore. Second, I would like to share my story of recovery, redemption and freedom in hopes of encouraging others.

I started smoking weed in college, I liked it better than drinking. I have a lot of anxiety and it calmed me down. By the time I was 22 I was smoking everyday from morning to night. I didn’t think I had a problem since I was still so productive, was a hard worker and accomplished a lot

After I graduated college I met my husband, Chris and weed was part of our entire dating relationship. When we got married, we decided to stop smoking, it took me longer than Chris, but I eventually did. I am a Christ follower and my experience was that I started going to church again, started praying again and I heard quite clearly from God that if I wanted to be mother one day I had to stop smoking weed. So I listened. I stopped smoking for a year before I got pregnant with my daughter and stayed sober from weed for 3 years until after I was done breastfeeding.

I started smoking again after I stopped breastfeeding and I looked at it as a substitution for my nightly glass of wine. Then I quit again so that I could get pregnant again and I did.

When our second was eleven months old, we invited our favorite distraction back in. We had every intention of indulging for a few months and then quitting again. But then the global pandemic happened and that was all the excuse I needed to keep smoking. Life became survival. My old habits had snuck back up on me, but this time the stakes were so much higher, no pun intended. I was a mother and had two little kids to take care of.

Most people who smoke weed do not become addicted to it, but 9% of us do. I am one of those 9%ers. Just like most people can handle having a drink now and then, but some people cannot and are alcoholics.

When things started to get out of control in my life I realized there were three things that I had to do to heal and put my life back together.

  1. I had to decide to finally like myself and chase after self-compassion
  2. I needed to invite curiosity back into my life
  3. I had to get sober and stop my toxic habit with marijuana

Quitting was really hard, because I was numbing myself to all of my feelings, so when I got sober, all of the feelings that I had been suppressing came bubbling up and I had a tremendously hard time. Thankfully, I found Marijuana Anonymous online meetings and went to a treatment facility to heal. Being away from my children for 18 days was the hardest thing I have ever done. It broke me. But I needed to be broken in order to start repairing.

The healing that I have experienced has been more incredible than I can put into words. I still have hard times, but now I have tools to cope with those difficult moments.

I celebrated 8 months of sobriety on June 4th and am now at a place of doing all this work that I am ready to share my story. I am sharing my story because I am proud of myself and all of the work that I have done and if I can do it, anyone can. So my final reason for sharing is in case just one person out there were to hear my story and is positively influenced in their own addiction or healing journey...that is worth it to me to be vulnerable and dare greatly.

How to get in touch with me:

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63 episodes