OTWC 042: The Myth of "The Flow"


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By Kat Stark. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

The most common question I get when talking about expressing needs during sex is, "Doesn't it wreck the mood?" As infuriating as I find it, I know it's not the fault of the person questioning since they can't help but have learned the lesson that any discussion is a mood-killer.

From the first love scenes we ever see on screen our culture indoctrinates us with the idea that sexytimes should just 'flow'. There's no discussion of who might want what or how but somehow if we're doing it right, there's a telepathic link between the couple that means everyone just 'knows'.

Expressing our needs and wants, as well as negotiating and communicating ongoing consent, don't fit into 'the flow' narrative, and while many of us have decided to re-write the rules of what constitutes a committed relationship, we're still resistant to throwing out the myth of 'The Flow'.

On this episode of On The Wet Coast, Flick Morrison and Kat Stark discuss the toxic myth of "The Flow" and how more talking can mean better sex.

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Music in this episode: Theme music - A Naked Gun: Bank Assault by Francesco D'Andrea

Episode music - Puzzle Pieces by Lee Rosevere

Waking Up Polyamorous music - Now Son by Poddington Bear

42 episodes