Is S*xual Compatibility a Myth? with Jaiya and Ian


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By Kat Harris. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

If you have watched Gwyneth Paltrow’s Netflix show “S*x, Love & Goop,” then you may recognize today’s podcast guests: Jaiya and Ian! Jaiya is an award-winning somatic s*xologist and creator of The Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™, which was very transformative for me. Ian Ferguson is Jaiya’s life and business partner and the co-founder of The Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™. I am so excited to be talking with them both today about the erotic blueprint, the 5 erotic blueprints, and whether s*xual incompatibility is actually a thing.

“Maybe we’re actually going to have an intelligent mature conversation about s*x in our culture. Maybe we’re finally ready to have that conversation.” - Jaiya

What is a Somatic S*xologist?

  • Someone who can help you understand who you are as a s*xual being. This knowledge can get rid of the layers of shame.
  • “Soma” means “of the body.” “It’s the body telling the truth, not the idea of what we think might be pleasurable or unpleasurable.” - Ian
  • We have intellectualized sex too much— everybody is different as erotic beings.

The Erotic Blueprint

  • The Erotic Blueprint (it’s a free quiz friend) will give you a language to communicate your desires as a s*xual being.
  • Don’t worry, even if there are questions in the quiz about s*xual experiences you haven’t had, Jaiya teaches us how to connect with and answer them honestly.

  • “How can I move forward in this s*xual/romantic relationship and stay connected to myself, God, and others? How can I set myself up for success whatever my s*xual ethic may be?” - Kat Harris

The 5 Erotic Blueprints

  1. Energetic— turned on by the anticipation.
  2. Sensual— turned on by all senses being ignited.
  3. S*xual— turned on by penetration.
  4. Kinky— turned on by anything that’s taboo.
  5. Shapeshifter— turned on by all of it!

S*xual Compatibility vs Chemistry/Attraction

  • If you’re waiting for marriage to have s*x, you don’t have to worry about s*xual incompatbility because you can work at it.

  • “It’s not incompatibility— it is... are you willing to do what it takes to learn the skills to honor your partner in what it is that turns them on for both of you in the relationship?” - Jaiya

  • Chemistry— we are biochemically attracted to other people and this can change based on scents the person is wearing or whether a woman is on birth control.

“S*x is natural, but making love is an art.” - Ian

Rapid Fire Questions

  • What makes good s*x? Presence, listening, willingness, awareness
  • When is it a good time to start talking about s*x with your significant other? Right away.
  • How do you approach the conversation? Vulnerability, create safety, stay in a place of non-judgement.
  • What are some fun foreplay experiences? Brainstorm ideas based on your archetypes! For example, energetics should play with eye gaze and sensuals should do deep penetrating massages or bathe together.


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This past year, I’ve been trying to perfect some recipes I can have in my back pocket when I have company. In all of these experiences, I realized how important it is to have good cooking tools. I just got a brand new knife set from Made In Cookware and it has been life-changing. Go to and use promo code KAT for 15% off your first order!

We invest large amounts of money into our careers. But with things like love, we think “It’ll happen when it happens,” and with things like kids, we think “I’ll think about that down the road.” What if we were just as intentional about our reproductive health as we are our careers? Modern Fertility is an easy way to test your fertility with an at-home test at a fraction of the cost. Go to for $20 off your fertility test.

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