I Hate This Gilded Boat


Manage episode 248201615 series 2569150
By Jim Stormdancer. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

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  • Ryan Ike is a composer at @RyanIkeComposer. Where The Water Tastes Like Wine is now available on Switch!
  • Gary Butterfield is a podcaster at @GaryBuh (terfieldPodcaster). He will be torturing himself for your entertainment from Dec 20-23. http://duckfeed.tv/duckstream/



  • Introducing yourself like a Pokemon.
  • Graduating to being level two e-friends.
  • The Spider-Man channel, the Ice Man channel, and the Firestar channel.
  • Consuming things between now and when you die.
  • Making game as if people have nothing to do but play your game.
  • Being okay with never consuming the art you purchase.
  • Min-maxing your enjoyment you have before you become a pile of inanimate carbon.
  • Checking in on The Ice Man Christmas Spectacular and it's already snowing.
  • Failing to explain the Battle of the Bulge.
  • The intended cadence of using two question marks.
  • Topic Joker's Trick.
  • Associating the sound of screaming with everything tasty.
  • String cheese yelling "string cheese" as you eat it to raise string cheese awareness.
  • Everyone remembering where they were when food started screaming.
  • Deaf people all remembering when they got Subway and learned to hear.
  • David Fincher's Seven 2: Ate.
  • The wailing of the ghosts of Hades echoing through Hamilton Middle School.
  • The screaming and eating minutes.
  • The horrible price of being a Topic Lord.
  • All the layers of your sandwich singing like a barbershop quartet.
  • Humanity learning to photosynthesize.
  • The glucose in an IV drip whispering the time you'll die as it goes into your vein.
  • Mailing your representative to ask them to vote no on the Screaming Food Act.
  • The totemic power of a sampler with 256k of ram.
  • PewDiePie endorsing a particular brand of streaming microphone.
  • Making a cooking knife made out of dinosaur bones.
  • Recording a song with Kurt Cobain's guitar.
  • Recording a song with a guitar made from Kurt Cobain's body.
  • A rock legend being bone-morphed into a Stratocaster.
  • Being totally down with your bones used for something cool.
  • Being a Topic Knave.
  • Being called a genius until it breaks you.
  • Being confused about whether a boat is a fortunate or unfortunate boat.
  • Putting together a team to make the game to match your vanity soundtrack.
  • Making a soundtrack you could paint on the side of a van.
  • Auteur power inevitably turning you into a monster, and choosing to lean into that.
  • Living with the comfort hose pointed at your face.
  • Having no knees and a lot of money.
  • Eating yourself because you are among the 1% most self-actualized.
  • Dancing in a cage for a warlord because nobody needs your chiptune cover of Carry On My Wayward Son after the screaming vegetables cause World War 3.
  • Getting real good at the spoons because pianos are too heavy.
  • Accidentally starting fires with your thick prescription glasses.
  • Murdering every Applebee's employee so you're the best chef in your future village.
  • Being good with children even though you hate them.
  • Terrifying passers-by because you just wanted to get your shopping done faster.
  • Running to catch your yogurt like it's a bus.
  • Onlookers wondering why you're always breaking up with Janine every time they see you.
  • Thinking you're going to get a free sample but instead getting a sales pitch.
  • Talking into a celery stalk to get out of an awkward situation.

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