Long Furby

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By Jim Stormdancer. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

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Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Being a cyborg and being out of the closet.
  • Doing standup comedy in an empty room.
  • Figuring out the best way to get a podcast onto your phone.
  • Kevin Spacey ruining your podcast.
  • A 20th-anniversary digital Tamagotchi.
  • F2P Tamagotchi all getting horrible pain disorders that demand you pay daily microtransactions or they just scream all day.
  • A large company that operates suspiciously.
  • Reading a lot of Newsweek in grade school.
  • Getting high on your own supply of Newsweek.
  • An eight year old wearing a blazer with elbow pads picking up a Newsweek at the book fair to read about Tamagotchi.
  • Shaking the Chao garden to make the Chao fight.
  • Whether or not Nintendogs go to heaven.
  • Neglecting your real dog because you have an exciting new virtual dog.
  • Sickening podcast guests with your Pokemon Go strategies.
  • The sensor on Wappy Dog's tail that only exists so it can get upset that you pulled its tail.
  • That one banger on the Wappy Dog OST.
  • Your Robotic Operating Buddy's ability to pick up discs of a certain size and move them in an arc around itself.
  • Playing Stack Up over Skype and having to call your friend and have him reset the puzzle whenever ROB fucks up and drops the pieces on the floor.
  • The baffling absence of YouTube videos of Gizmo Furby interacting with Yoda Furby.
  • Steven Spielberg patrolling the internet for videos of Gizmo Furby talking to Yoda Furby and shutting them the heck down because that's not canon. (George Lucas is fine with it.)
  • A village of Furbies living on after the extinction of the human race.
  • Yes! Dad does!
  • Wappy Dog being immortal, but if he did die somehow he'd go straight to hell.
  • Pikachu turning to the player and asking "who was the last person you kissed?"
  • Trying to make a game that creates the same reaction in every player.
  • Confusing Yoot Saito and Noob Saibot.
  • Playing SimCity 2000 on a Game Boy Advance.
  • Becoming a chef so that you can figure out why burritos are better in San Diego than anywhere else in the world.
  • A library raised up in little feet with a swirly tail called The Spang-Dangler Building.
  • A library that looks like a big concrete tree.
  • A library that looks like a space invader.
  • Discovering Finnish Salty Licorice and finally not having to share your candy with your friends.
  • Lurking in the floorboards so that you can visit your introvert friend without them noticing.
  • Those big concrete nipples on Camp Pendleton.
  • Driving from Camp Pendleton to Mexico in less than a minute and then turning around and driving across an aircraft carrier.
  • Doctor Seuss's favorite San Diego hangouts.
  • Whether Jack Lemmon likes it hot in the ending of Some Like It Hot.
  • Taking part in the panda breeding program in the 70s.
  • Not knowing what the San Diego Convention Center looks like outside of Comic Con and just assuming it's always swarming with nerds.
  • None of the speakers showing up for the big Robotech panel at Wondercon so the marketing director steps up with PowerPoint presentation describing Robotech merch.
  • Everyone losing their shit over Robotech skate decks.
  • Singing and dancing when the sky turns black.
  • Trying to hide violence from children so the children rebel by celebrating violence as much as possible.
  • A full-featured Mortal Kombat clone developed by two high school students.
  • Whether One Must Fall stands up.
  • Choosing to release the first free-and-good-enough NES emulator and calling it NESticle.
  • How the mouse pointer for NESticle was actually a severed hand, and only the Windows icon was a scrotum.
  • Keeping your emulation legit by deleting your ROMs every 24 hours.
  • The only place the long-rumored SNESticle was ever released.
  • How early SNES emulators didn't handle transparency so you had to manually toggle the cloud layer in order to see anything.
  • Shock value Flash cartoons before and after 9/11.
  • A gif of a plane crashing into Oprah.
  • Going into work each day with the intent of trying to get fired.
  • Who today is carrying on the Bloodlust Software ethos.
  • Making the same ultra-violent video game as everyone else but adding narration explaining that "violence is bad and this game is important."
  • A hyper-detailed art style evocative of biology and gross innards without actually depicting any gore.
  • A tasteful logo that represents a butt pooping.
  • A barely-visible monster lurking in the background of every video uploaded to Pornhub.
  • Porkin' Across America.
  • Finding people who were already going to make a series of sex tapes and offering to lurk in the background in your Slenderman costume.
  • Training a neural network to insert Slenderman into the background of every movie.
  • Writing erotic House of Leaves fan fiction and waiting for the Internet to discover and reenact it.
  • An art critic giving your life a B+.

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