Respect The Hustler, Not The Hustle

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Manage episode 261478940 series 2569150
By Jim Stormdancer. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

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Lords:

Topics:

Microtopics:

  • Goin' Polodna.
  • Goin' Polodna but bein' named Butterfield.
  • Only car thieves remaining.
  • Giving your guest a hard time for plugging something when you just asked them to plug something.
  • Being inspired by an eggplant you once had.
  • Stockholm syndrome but for vegetables.
  • A color that doesn't exist on earth.
  • Trying to cook every substance for every amount of time because you don't have Netflix.
  • Laundering a horse through a book.
  • The pe-noose.
  • Trying to Google which Stephen King book had the necklace of penises.
  • Deeming a penis to be a boner.
  • Looking upon a pubic hair topiary and despairing.
  • Sculpting the day your paramour will die into your pubic hair on the first date.
  • Fred Meyer's daughter, J.C. Penney.
  • Not having any particular insight into this boner blog.
  • Being a little bit hornt up despite being trapped in a Fred Meyer by the murder frog outside.
  • Whether or not "pud" is short for "pudding" or indeed anything.
  • A zoetrope showing Goofy pulling down his pants every 7 seconds.
  • A plexiglass box that is big enough for your head and a fern.
  • Hacking the oxygen mask to come down when you just need a hit.
  • Sprinkling some foliage on your head to make it look like the fern next to your head is just a lump on your face.
  • Sticking your head in the fern box under the seat in front of you and painting your face on your pants so your butt can wear the oxygen mask.
  • The tactile sensation of unclogging a toilet using a mouse pad.
  • The best water level for plunging a toilet.
  • Needing an articulated arm like Krang's to plunge the toilet from around the corner.
  • Trying to guess the Game Boy games being used to prop up a projector.
  • The Podcaster's Dilemma.
  • Maligning the Final Fantasy Legend series.
  • Deciding that your punishment will be a good night's sleep and a stern toothbrushing.
  • Playing Final Fantasy Legend while you brush each other's teeth live on AGDQ.
  • Asking a question that you'd already answered in a previous episode and just copy-pasting the answer from there.
  • Not being in good enough shape to sleep everywhere.
  • Ripping through the topics and needing to dip into the extended bucket.
  • A gigantic bucket of shelf-stable potato soup that you save for the end times.
  • Setting up a P.O. box so your listeners can send you a big pile of food and toy cars so you can not eat for a week and then eat an enormous megameal.
  • A Visual Studio plugin that lets you play text adventures anyone while looking like you're at work.
  • Pressing the boss key to hide that you're playing an ancient video game and your boss asking you why you're writing emails in Word Perfect 2.0.
  • Having a child to reduce your mortality anxiety.
  • Having a child so they can do the heimlich when you choke on a ham sandwich.
  • Subtweeting your cat.
  • Not being meaningfully aware of your mortality but still making decisions based on not dying.
  • Overcorrecting and turning into a maudlin fucker.
  • A boom box with a floppy drive playing canyon.mid.
  • A product with no conceivable audience except the nerds who will think it's cool and nostalgic thirty years from now.
  • Opening a cabinet and your coffee mug singing the Zelda "you found the thing" jingle.
  • The intentionality of listening to music in the most inconvenient way possible.
  • Listening to music and lighting random pieces of paper on fire.
  • A very zinelike activity.
  • Independent movie theaters all vanishing in an eyeblink.
  • Filling the delivery tube with potato soup and sending it to the bank teller.
  • Chuck E. Cheese classing it up with woodfired, chef-inspired pizza.
  • Getting carryout from the Chuck E. Cheese and your chef-inspired pizza coming with a side of orange spider rings.
  • Sleeping on a mattress on the floor for years until your new girlfriend insists you get a real bed.
  • Putting a tennis ball on top of the screws you're supposed to attach the footboard to so you know where to park your keister.
  • Your migrating bedframe, a keter-class problem in the bedroom.
  • The one time it makes sense to have a strong opinion about someone else's bed.
  • Wiping down the incision site because if you get an infection after you die it's just never going to heal.
  • Only being allowed to listen to one song for the rest of your life.
  • The one song you're allowed to listen to also replacing music you hear in your head or anything you sing.
  • Trying to sing Happy Birthday to a co-worker but it always comes out as the chorus of "Selling the Drama" by Live.
  • All music in the world being replaced by the Intel Inside jingle.
  • The Zelda item noise secretly being the same as the Addams Family theme song.
  • Going to a concert and suddenly the band can only play the song you are cursed with.
  • The CIA discovering your musical curse and studying you on the dissection table like in Project ALF.
  • $10 million per For Fighting.

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