Manage episode 262848483 series 2569150
By Jim Stormdancer. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

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  • Being confident in your recording setup because you're too lazy to verify it.
  • The old lady who lives in your ductwork who you can't hear because she only shrieks exactly when you're talking.
  • Finding out about the apocalypse from a podcast recorded months ago.
  • The subtle distinction between self care and overeating.
  • Feeling better about your anxiety disorder because the world has gotten worse to meet your mood.
  • A behavior that looks maladaptive but must secretly be awesome because it has survived for millennia.
  • A poltergeist that keeps turning your stove off.
  • Worshipping gods that turn out to be evil aliens.
  • Trying to make "Christian Splinter Faiths" scan to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme.
  • Going for the cosmetic upgrade before the inventory upgrade and causing your partner physical pain.
  • Clearcutting the entire island you're visiting because when you leave it will cease to exist.
  • Harvesting trees in a checkerboard pattern because they grow better that way.
  • A financial startup specializing in converting British pounds to Nook miles.
  • Putting pounds and dollars in the same bank account and they crossbreed while they're in there.
  • 100%-ing Animal Crossing as fast as possible.
  • Speed runs that are entertaining to describe but not to watch.
  • Bingo races as the improvisation-heavy antidote to rote speed runs.
  • Forcing Caleb Hart to livestream Mega Man X any time anyone listens to this episode.
  • Feeding toilet paper into your inkjet printer to create a cool pattern to wipe your ass with.
  • Using Silly Putty to copy the stock market info from the newspaper.
  • Not being able to print toilet paper with your 3D printer, but printing a bidet instead.
  • Running out of toilet paper and 3D printing corn husks.
  • Buying the Taco Bell Grande Meal to eat the beans out of the burrito and then wiping your ass with the corn tortilla and wax paper wrapper.
  • Skipping a step and putting the burrito right in the toilet.
  • Introducing an awesome person to your friend and then ruining them in the very next sentence.
  • The outside of the printer paper protecting you from the horrifying inside of the toilet paper.
  • Pulping spare blue jeans to manufacture your own artisanal toilet paper.
  • Figuring out how to put your front yard in your back yard to hide it from the HOA.
  • Reporting your neighbor to the HOA for weeds in the middle of a global pandemic.
  • Getting notices from the HOA that you need to power wash your driveway and power washing the words "fuck you" into it.
  • Confusing Day of the Dead and Cinco De Mayo because they both happen in the same year.
  • An object you need to keep safe from magnets.
  • Advice on dealing with floppy disks in the Year of our Lord 2020.
  • Something in France that hasn't been found yet.
  • A Wikipedia list of things that have not been found in France.
  • Burying a microtransaction-heavy game in the desert and hoping the person who finds it is a whale.
  • Throwing a microtransaction-heavy game into the ocean and it traveling back in time and Captain Ahab hears about it and becomes obsessed with finding the whale who owns it.
  • Trying to think of a really big expensive home and your brain coming back with "a bucket!"
  • The train stopping slightly and thinking "maybe society is breaking down" and then the train starting again and thinking "I guess I'll just go to my boring job."
  • Part of you wanting to live in interesting times and be part of historical events.
  • Bringing your axe made out of a sharpened hubcap to work because Phil's allowed to bring his Leatherman.
  • Not being able to train to be a warlord in the post-apocalypse because during the apocalypse all the MMA gyms are closed.
  • Realizing that Amazon Prime Video doesn't have Murder She Wrote any more and wanting to just burn it all down.
  • The magical time in your life when you thought Netflix's selection of streaming video would only keep getting bigger.
  • Conflating Murder She Wrote with the Golden Girls.
  • Deadpanning ridiculous things that happen in St. Olaf, Minnesota.
  • Angry texts from your mom about how you ruined Murder She Wrote by telling her about the theory that Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer.
  • A big city businesswoman looking to take over her parents' failing Christmas ornament shop.
  • CG compositing Christmas ornaments into the background of every shot of Golden Girls.
  • Everybody playing online games all the time now because their extrovert friends have figured out the Internet.
  • Extroverts agreeing to watch speed runs with you because they're desperate to talk to anybody.
  • Finding an eight hour smooth jazz video and eventually realizing it's two minutes of smooth jazz looping for eight hours.
  • Trying to solve playing music with friends over the Internet.
  • Solving the problem of jamming with friends over the Internet by only playing music with precogs.
  • Sticking it to the HOA by dressing up as a weed and when they come by to report you, jumping out and yelling "I'm no weed, I'm a guy!"

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